Dean, Interrupted
by lindsayd16
Summary: Dean starts to regret not hearing the costs the Mark of Cain came with when he starts hallucinating about Alastair. Sam tries to keep his brother from the deep hole that he is far to familiar with when you see your worst nightmare on a regular basis. Set mid-season nine after Dean acquires the Mark and moves into predictions for season ten. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**_Taking place mid season nine, details will be a little altered. (After Dean acquires the mark)._**

**CHAPTER ONE:Consequences Revealed**

_What the fuck is happening to me?_

He couldn't help the thoughts that penetrated his mind while he was asleep. They came along with the nightmares. He hadn't had the mark for more than a month and he was already regretting not hearing about the damn costs that came with it.

Not to mention now he had to be butt buddies with Crowley. God, if his dad could see them now. Dean shivered at the thought.

He was lying in his bed, not able to gather the energy to get his ass up since he had only been sleeping two hours each night.

He groaned as he finally hauled himself up from the inviting mattress and made his way over to the bathroom to shower.

…...

Sam was sitting at the kitchen table sipping at a cup of coffee when he started beating himself up about not helping his brother last night. He had heard his screams. Hell, he'd heard them every night since he got that damn Mark. But, because he was stubborn and pissed, he chose not to go comfort his brother.

Why should he?

Dean betrayed him.

Sam was ready to die and his brother was too selfish to let him go.

Sam cringed. He knew that wasn't true. He knew that his brother had the best intentions.

He remembers the day he told Dean he wouldn't have done the same for him and knew it was a bold-faced lie.

Shaking his head, he got up and discarded the half drank cup of coffee into the sink when he heard the shower running. He'd take care of it later.

He didn't want to see his brother right now. He wouldn't be able to look at him without the guilt showing in his eyes.

Making his way back to his bedroom, he continued to look up any information on Abaddon or the First Blade or the mark itself. He wanted to know what was happening to his brother and knew he'd have to do some digging.

….

Pulling on his boxers, Dean ran a hand through his hair to get it to the style he likes. Stopping to look in the mirror, he almost didn't recognize himself.

The person in the mirror had deep bags under his eyes that were bloodshot. His complexion was pale and the lack of hope in his eyes was completely recognizable.

Blinking a few times to clear his vision, he made his way out of the bathroom to shuffle through his drawers for clothes. Just when he found a pair of jeans, Castiel appeared in the room near the door.

"Dean-"

"What the fuck Cas? Get out! I'm changing!" Dean said, exasperated.

"Sorry I didn't know…" He said as he turned and walked out, standing just outside the door. He hated to be yelled at by Dean.

A few moments later the hunter walked out, fully clothed, and gave a pointed look to the angel.

"I'm sorr-"Cas started.

"Don't. It's fine. Just… try to knock. Please." Dean said, running a hand down his face as he made his way to the kitchen, the angel following close behind.

Cas stared suspiciously at the hunter when he saw him consciously keep pulling down his right shirt sleeve.

"Something wrong, Dean?" Cas asked, moving in front of the eldest Winchester and glancing at his arm.

Dean looked up and saw what the angel was looking at and crossed his arms, trying to cover the mark. "Yeah, everything's fine, just a little chilly in here." He shrugged, trying to look casual.

Walking into the kitchen, he saw Sam's leftover coffee cup in the sink as he went to pour his own. He was up to six a day now, and it was time for his first one of the morning.

When Dean saw that Castiel was still staring at him he decided to ask the angel what had gotten into him. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He said with a slightly harsh tone.

"Something's different about you. You seem… angrier." Cas said hesitantly.

"Nothing's different Cas!" He raised his arms up in exasperation, revealing the mark. "Jesus, calm the fuck down."

The angel's eyes widened as he saw the brand on his friend's arm. "Dammit Dean… What did you do?" Castiel said, obviously angry at the stubborn Winchester. He took a step towards him.

"I found a way to end all our problems, and I took it. That's it." Disregarding his cup of coffee, the hunter pushed back Cas to go back to his bedroom to try and sleep.

Thankfully, the angel didn't follow him and he was able to sleep in peace, or so he thought.

….

_Laughter._

_That's all Dean heard. It was so loud the hunter had to run through the woods with both of his hands covering his ears._

_The eldest Winchester refused to acknowledge whose laughter it was. Deep down, he knew, but he didn't want to believe it._

_He felt like he had been running for hours. He glanced back to see who was following him and didn't see anybody. Turning back, he ran right into a man, falling flat on his ass._

_Looking up, Dean's heart dropped. He couldn't breathe. _

_Bending down to his level, the all too familiar face whispered darkly into his ear. "I expect a warm welcome back."_

_Laughing, Alastair stood up straight and walked away from the distraught hunter._

_…_

Dean woke up covered in sweat and on the floor. His bedroom was pitched black and he had a dull pain in the back of his head where he must've hit the floor with it.

He shook his head and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

The eldest Winchester froze as he saw a figure standing in the corner of his bedroom.

"Who's there?" He hissed.

The figure took a step forward and Dean's breath hitched in his throat.

_No no no. It was just a dream._

Alastair made his way over to him and sat on the bed.

He winked at the hunter and vanished into thin air, but not how demons normally disappeared. Almost like…

A hallucination.

Dean was hallucinating about Alastair.

He remembered how horrible it was when Sam hallucinated about Lucifer and knew it was just going to be ten times worse for him.

Man, was he fucked.

….

**TBC**

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	2. Chapter 2: Two To Tango

**CHAPTER TWO: Two To Tango**

Dean screamed.

He didn't know any other way to express his frustration.

_This can't be happening. Not now, when I have so much to accomplish._

Sam knocked on the door lightly before coming in, his eyes widening at the state his brother was in.

Dean was hugging his knees to his chest, his head resting on his arms. All his blankets were on the floor next to him.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Sam couldn't make himself physically go over to his brother. Not yet.

Dean blinked the haze that had formed over his vision away as he tried to focus on Sam. "I um… nothing. Just a nightmare." He shrugged casually trying to make it seem like he hadn't just been screaming his ass off.

"Alright." Sam turned to leave but stopped himself. "You know what, Dean. That's not good enough anymore. Obviously it was something bad because you've been screaming off and on for the past two hours." He sighed, trying to get his brother to open up to him. He couldn't help but notice that his brother wouldn't look at him, but slightly to the right and behind him.

Dean scoffed. "Are you serious Sam? You want me to talk to _you_? The person who refused to acknowledge my existence for the past five months? No thanks, I'm fine. I'll deal with it myself like I have been for the past few weeks." The eldest Winchester knew he wasn't being completely fair, his brother sorta had a right to be pissed, but he was tired of it.

Sam just nodded and left the room, making sure the door latched behind him. He should've known that his behavior was affecting his brother in a negative way but he never dreamed _Dean _of all people would shut him out.

Staring at the door his brother had just walked out of, Dean pulled himself up and threw the blankets back onto his bed. He ran a hand through his hair as tears started to form in his eyes. But, they never fell. He refused to let himself cry over something that couldn't be helped.

Clearing his throat, he decided it was best to try and find a case to try and distract himself.

….

Dean was sitting at a desk in his bedroom and had only been researching for half an hour when he felt someone blowing on his cheek. Scowling, he turned to see Alastair turn and lean against the desk.

"Whatcha doin'?" The demon asked with fake interest.

Dean refused to respond. He knew the second he actually replied to the asshole it would just go downhill from there.

"Come on, Dean. I know you have just oodles of questions for me. Why am I here, am I still alive, is this all fake, blah blah blah." Alastair said, crossing his arms.

Dean tried to stay focused on what he was doing but it was getting harder and harder the longer the dick was standing there.

Alastair then proceeded to wiggle his finger in the hunter's face. "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you."

The eldest Winchester let out a slight growl and glared at his former torturer.

"Talk to me. Just us girls." He said with a wink.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." Dean said quietly, but with enough venom in his tone he could've stopped a line backer.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alastair said, cupping one hand around his ear. "Didn't quite catch that."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

He screamed. He couldn't help it. Dean cringed as Alastair laughed and disappeared, knowing he had been heard.

_Now to wait for the damn Calvary to come rushing in…_

_…._

Sam had just tossed a book onto the floor next to him when he could hear someone loud and clear:

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Why Dean was yelling this was beyond Sam. Probably just another damn nightmare his brother didn't want to talk about. So instead of rushing in there just to be yelled at again, Sam made himself stay seated and continue researching. He picked up and opened a new book but didn't even read a line.

It was eerily quiet. It hadn't been this quiet since before Dean had gotten the mark.

_Maybe I should go check on him…_

Standing up, Sam made his way down the hall to his brother's door.

Just as he went to knock, he heard the sound of the shower running for the second time that day.

_Now he's purposely avoiding me. But it's not like I haven't been doing that to him for the past few months._

Giving up, the youngest Winchester decided to ask the one person who cared for Dean as much as he did for help.

…...

Dean had turned on the shower but wasn't actually in it. He was sitting on the floor, his knees brought up to his chest, leaning against the side of the tub. He just wanted a reason for Sam to leave him alone.

How was he supposed to tell his brother he was going crazy? Not when they needed him so bad to kill the evil bitch.

He could just picture the pissed and disappointed look Sam would give him.

No, he had to keep this to himself.

Hopefully, he'd be able to find a better way to deal with it than Sam had.

Resting his head on his knees, Dean decided he'd at least try to sleep. He was getting so little now a days he took all the chances he could to try and catch a few hours.

But of course, he couldn't clear his mind. It also didn't help that Alastair was sitting on the toilet watching Dean suffer with a smile on his face.

Just as the hunter started to drift off to sleep, he heard the demon's faint whisper:

"This is going to be so much fun."

…

**TBC**

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	3. Chapter 3: A Broken Egg

**Just a warning, I upload fairly fast. If that gets annoying and you want the story more drawn out, just let me know!**

**CHAPTER THREE: A Broken Egg**

"Sam I'm extremely busy-"Castiel started.

"I know Cas, but it's about Dean and that fucking mark." The hunter said, trying to convince the angel to stay for just a few minutes.

"What about Dean?" Cas said, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"He's different man. Like, angrier. And his nightmares have gotten ten times worse."

"I'm sure it's just side effects from his lack of sleep-"

"No Cas, it's more than that. I was talking to him earlier and he wouldn't even look at me. It was like he was…"

"Was what Sam?"

"I don't know. Looking at someone, maybe? But I can't get him to open up to me."

"I will talk to him. Don't worry Sam. I promise it's most likely an easy fix." Castiel said reassuringly before he disappeared.

Sam ran a hand down his face as he hoped the angel was right.

...

Thankfully, the case with Garth and his werewolf friends went off without a single appearance from Alastair.

That is, until they got in the car to drive home.

They had only been driving for five minutes when Dean looked in the rearview mirror to see his new pain in the ass sitting in the back seat.

Alastair waved at Dean and gave him a smug smile as he began to sing loud and obnoxiously to the Metallica that was playing.

After about three seconds of this, Dean pressed the off button for the radio forcefully enough to have Sam give him a confused look.

"Um… Dean. You okay?" The youngest Winchester asked, keeping a light tone. He had never seen his brother willingly turn off the music.

_MASTER OF PUPPETS I'M PULLING YOUR STRINGS, Alastair sang._

Dean sighed. "I'm fine." _Lie. "_Just want some quiet for a few miles."

_TWISTING YOUR MIND AND SMASHING YOUR DREAMS_.

The demon would not shut up. Dean tightened his hands on the steering wheel as he abruptly pulled off to the side of the road. "Your turn to drive Sammy." With that, he got out of the car moving to the passenger side.

Sam hesitantly scooted over to the driver's side. He couldn't take it anymore. He knew something was wrong with his brother and they weren't going anywhere till he got some answers.

"You know, Dean. I've had it up to here with your bullshit." Sam spat. He had had enough.

"What are you talking about? I'm letting you drive. Since when are you pissed about that?" Dean said, trying to act casual.

"You have never, okay _never, _let me drive or turn the music off unless I begged the shit out of you. Now all of a sudden you are doing it without a single word from me? Something's up and I'm not driving until you tell me." Sam was practically glaring at his brother.

"Calm down, Sammy. I'm fine; I just haven't been sleeping so I wanted to try to sleep for a while."

"You and your brother really love to lie to each other. Real healthy, just adds to the things wrong with your relationship." The demon smirked.

"And why's that Dean? What are these nightmares you've been having about?"

"Codependence, chronic lying, keeping your feelings hidden…" Alastair ticked one by one off of his fingers. Dean was giving him the death glare when he remembered Sam had said something.

"What the fuck are you glaring at?!" Sam demanded, glancing at the back seat.

"Nothing Sam! I swear to God if you don't start fucking driving, I'll walk." Dean looked out the window, not able to face his brother's prying eyes. He wouldn't tell him. Not yet anyways.

"You're unbelievable." Reluctantly, Sam put the car in drive and started continuing on the route to the bunker.

Dean chuckled. "Sam, you haven't asked me once the past three weeks what's been the matter. Just because you all of a sudden have an interest, doesn't mean I'm in the caring and sharing mood." He sank down and rested his head back on the seat, shutting his eyes.

Noticing Dean was done talking; Sam muttered some profanity under his breath but didn't say another word the rest of the way home.

….

The second they got back to the bunker, Dean made his way to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. Alastair was already sitting on the bed when the hunter threw his duffel bag on the floor next to it. Sighing, he stripped off his sweaty button up and t-shirt.

"You know Dean, I feel like this is a great opportunity for you and I to really get to know each other. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the absolute best, how would you rate yours and Sam's relationship?" The demon quipped, standing up from the bed and walking over to the eldest Winchester who was untying his shoes.

"Kiss my ass." Dean said, he was done with Alastair's comments.

"Maybe if you asked nicely." The demon said, smirking.

Dean plopped down on the bed, putting one arm across his forehead.

"It's a wonder you ever got anywhere with the ladies; you're bossy." Alastair said, sticking his tongue out at the hunter.

"What do you want for me?" Dean hissed, getting up from the bed and right in the demon's face.

"I want to mess with that little noggin of yours until it pops." Alastair pointed at Dean's forehead and made a popping noise with his mouth.

"What the fuck does that mean A-"The eldest Winchester stopped when he heard a creak coming from the hallway.

…...

As soon as Sam heard Dean's door lock, he immediately planted himself outside of it, his ear firmly placed on the door.

He wanted to hear exactly what was said during his nightmares to try and help Dean through them.

But Dean didn't go to sleep. He heard the bed creak, and then some muffled words from his brother.

After a few moments, he heard Dean practically jump out of the bed and yell something about wanting something.

Just as Dean was in the middle of a sentence, he stopped all of a sudden when Sam had adjusted his footing, creating a loud creak from the floorboards.

_Oh fuck, busted._

Dean flung the door open, nostrils flaring when he saw Sam standing there.

"Can I help you with something?" He said, looking at Sam for any indication he heard what had been going on.

"Who were you talking to Dean?" Sam said, crossing his arms.

"I was talking in my sleep. Is that a crime?" The eldest Winchester said, obviously trying to cover his behavior up.

"So in the two minutes we've been home, you were able to go in bed, take off your shirt, lie down, fall asleep, and dream enough to create a nightmare, and fucking sleep walk out of the bed? Call me a skeptic Dean, but I doubt it."

"Like I said in the car, I'm tired." Dean said defensively.

"No, it's something else." Castiel said, appearing in the hallway next to Sam.

"Dammit not you too, Cas." The eldest Winchester said, rolling his eyes.

"You're different Dean. And-"He stopped as he noticed the hunter was staring right in between him and Sam. "What are you staring at?"

"Good going dumbass. Now they know." Alastair said, mimicking Dean's eye roll.

Shaking his head slightly, Dean turned to look at Cas only to see blood rushing out of his eyes. He took a step back, eyes widening, as he saw the same thing start happening to Sam.

"Stop! Leave them alone you son of a bitch!" The eldest Winchester was on the brink of hysteria as he saw both Sam and Castiel crumble to the floor, body's convulsing.

The real Castiel and Sam rushed over to Dean who was now curled in on himself on the floor.

"DEAN." Sam pleaded. His brother was practically bawling as he covered his ears with his hands.

Dean couldn't see, hear, or feel his friend and brother grabbing a hold of him and yelling for his name. All he heard was Alastair's laughter and see Sam and Cas on the floor dead. He couldn't help the tears that fell and couldn't stop them from continuing to fall.

Dean Winchester had cracked.

…

**TBC**

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	4. Chapter 4: Sealing Fates

**CHAPTER FOUR: Sealing Fates**

Dean had been screaming/sobbing for the past three hours.

_I've lost it._

That was the first thought that crossed Dean's mind as Sam pried his hands away from his ears. Dean had his knees pulled up to his chest, head resting on his knees. At this point, the youngest Winchester had his arms wrapped around his brother, trying his best to comfort him.

Cas was on the floor next to the heap of hunters, not sure how to contribute.

"Dean it's okay. We're safe. You're safe. It's all going to be okay." Sam said reassuringly, patting his brother's back.

_I've lost it._

Dean had stopped crying and was now just staring glossy eyed at the wall.

"Dean, you cohorts now have a slight inkling that you've gone crazy. Might want to let them know it's just little ole' me." Alastair smirked knowing that's exactly what the eldest Winchester _wouldn't _do.

Shaking his head slightly, Dean groaned as he managed to wrestle himself away from Sam, trying to stand up.

"Dean, take it easy!" The youngest Winchester said as he went and caught his brother before he fell over.

"I'm fine Sammy. Let it go, pretend it never happened." Dean's voice was gruff as he tried to walk on his own, but Sam kept a firm grip on his shoulders.

Sam scoffed. "You're fucking crazy if you think I'm just going to let this go."

Dean cringed at the word _crazy _as he let the taller hunter drag him to his bed, placing him gently on the soft mattress.

Leaning against the desk, Sam crossed his arms waiting for Dean to spill his guts. Castiel joined them a second letter, sitting in the desk chair.

Running a hand down his face, Dean took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "I swear I'm not crazy…"

"Why would you be crazy?" Cas asked, tilting his head slightly.

Sensing his brother's struggle with finding the right words, Sam put a hand out in front of the angel. "Cas… Just give him a minute."

Dean forced a laugh as he rubbed at his forehead. "I'm hallucinating."

"Like… what I dealt with?" Sam asked, worry lacing his words.

"Yeah Sam, like what you had with Lucifer. But it's not him I'm seeing. I see you guys dying and…" He trailed off. He wanted to keep at least part of his craziness a secret. "And just things like that."

Cas looked suspiciously at Dean. He knew he wasn't telling them the whole truth but they took what they could get. "We will find a way to help you Dean."

"Yeah, lock me up."

"We're not going to do that. You were able to keep me from losing it; I plan on returning the favor."

"Am I interrupting anything?" Abaddon appeared out of nowhere, standing at the door. She flicked her wrist sending Sam and Castiel up against the wall.

Staring wide-eyed, Dean stood up in a defensive position.

"Easy there lover, just want to chat. I happen to know you're looking for something." She said, glancing at the Mark of Cain.

"I already got one asshole after it, I don't need two."

Abaddon chuckled. "You mean the blood junkie? Last time I checked, he was held up in some hotel room watching Spanish soap operas."

"We don't want anything from you." Sam hissed from his position on the wall.

"Let's move this conversation somewhere more… private. Sorry kids, time for the adults to chat." With that, she snapped her fingers and disappeared, taking Dean with her.

….

He was standing next to a rustic looking dresser that didn't look like it could hold any weight. Dean wasn't sure where exactly they were, but knew it was an old motel room. Abaddon was sitting on the bed, legs crossed, looking at her nails.

"Alright, what do you want?" Dean spat. He had no patience to deal with the bitch.

"Straight to the point as always. Seeming as though Crowley has the nerve to try and have you kill me, I've decided to try to get you to switch teams. Willingly would be preferable…" She said, glancing up and down the hunter. "But not necessary." She ended with a smirk.

"Get to your fucking point." Dean said through clenched teeth.

"I'll get you the blade; you kill Crowley with it, then Cain, and then whatever the hell you want." She said plainly.

"That's it? No other terms?" The eldest Winchester asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well obviously you can't attempt to kill me until the other things on your to-do list are checked off. Then… we'll see the type of shape you're in once you finish." She had stood up and was now standing a few inches from Dean. She ran a hand through his hair and he flinched from her touch. Crossing her arms across her chest, she waited.

"What do you mean 'type of shape I'm in'?"

"Wow, Cain really didn't tell you anything. You haven't heard the stories?" She asked, eyes widening.

"I already know he killed Abel." Dean said, shaking his head.

The demon started to say something but stopped herself, if she told him he was going to become something he once hunted, she'll never get him to agree. "So, we have a deal?"

"Sam and Cas. They have to come out of his unharmed, no matter what." Dean negotiated. He wouldn't do anything without assurance his family was safe.

She rolled her eyes, "Of course you'd throw that in. Fine, not a single hair on either of their heads."

Hesitating just a moment longer, the eldest Winchester finally said the one word Abaddon had been dying to hear:

"Deal."

….

**TBC**

**The reviews are wonderful. You guys really give me motivation to write and your support is fantastic. I decided that I was going to try and incorporate more of Abaddon in the story because, why not? Let me know if you'd rather have Crowley!**


	5. Chapter 5: Truth Comes Out

**CHAPTER FIVE: Truth Comes Out**

"I can't believe you trust that bitch more than me." Alastair put on a fake hurt expression as he followed Dean into his bedroom. The hunter had snuck in after his little field trip with Abaddon and didn't want to explain himself to Sam and Castiel just yet.

"Do me a favor and stop talking." Dean whispered harshly as he walked into his room, running a hand through his hair. He pushed the chair Cas had been sitting in back under the desk and made his bed. He knew he wouldn't be sleeping anyways.

"Trust me, Dean. She's going to fuck you over." Alastair pointed out.

"Don't you think I already know that?" He spat, leaning against the desk.

Alastair hesitated and considered the thought. "…That's why you're going to fuck her over first."

Dean raised his eyebrows as if to say 'duh' at the demon.

There was a knock at the door and a few seconds later Sam walked in, relief flooding his face when he saw Dean unharmed.

"Man what happened?"

"She just wanted me to kill Crowley and Cain before I try and kill her. That's it." The eldest Winchester said._ Just another lie to add to the list. _He could hear Alastair's voice in his head but tried to ignore it.

Before Sam could respond, he started coughing up blood. Not just little specs, but what would eventually end up being handfuls. Hauling him over to the bed, Dean clutched at his brother's shoulders having no idea what to do.

He wouldn't stop coughing. His bed, himself, and his brother were all covered in blood after the first two minutes.

After awhile, the coughing seized, as well as Sam's breathing.

….

Dean woke up in a cold sweat and tangled in his blankets. He didn't even remember getting back to the bunker let alone to sleep.

Wiping a shaky hand down his face, he hoped that he hadn't been screaming. He didn't want to draw more attention to this then what was necessary.

A small knock at the door had Dean scared shitless as Sam made his way in the room.

"You okay? You look like hell." The younger Winchester commented.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just another nightmare." Shrugging casually, he continued. "Abaddon wants me to be her bitch." He said flatly as he hauled himself out of bed.

"She wants you to kill Crowley?"

"Along with Cain. She said she'd get me the blade and I just had to hold off killing her until it was all over." He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes but since he was so tired, nothing could help the worn out feeling he had.

"You didn't say yes, did you?"

Dean walked around his brother, avoiding eye contact, and made his way to the kitchen where Castiel was sitting at the table.

"Dean, please don't tell me you agreed to it…" Sam said, exasperated.

"You can't help! You can't okay? This is my fault. I have the damn Mark." Dean spat. Thinking about it later, he hadn't meant to get angry. It was just something that was included in his personality traits now.

"Since when is anything that happens in our lives a go-it-alone type of deal?" Sam asked, his voice increasing in volume.

"He's right Dean." Castiel reasoned. "Trusting demons has never gone well for us."

"I know Cas!" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Dammit… I know." He ran a hand though his hair. "I already told her yes, so there's no changing that. We just have to go about this smart…"

….

"Dean-o. I feel like we need a secret handshake or something. You know?" Alastair remarked. He was sitting in the chair next to Dean at the long table at the bunker, his legs propped up. They were researching findings on Abaddon and Crowley, trying to figure out what either of them was up too.

Dean sighed heavily as he turned a page in the book, trying to focus. The harder he focused, the more the letters seemed to jumble together. At one point he saw the letters swirling all around the page. Blinking quickly, they returned to normal with a laugh from the demon.

"Dean come on, you haven't said anything in awhile. I really like our bonding sessions. I miss our talks."

"You haven't slept in days, must be hard to keep up this charade. You really think Sam and Cas haven't noticed?"

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile."

"What do you call a bitch BBQ'd on the ceiling? Your mother."

By this point, Dean was fuming. He hadn't said a word to Alastair, but just the fact that Dean was clutching the book he was 'reading' so tight was enough to satisfy the demon. He had now begun tapping his fingers on the table to the rhythm of 'Highway to Hell'.

….

Abaddon kept her side of the deal and brought Dean the blade three days later. They still hadn't heard a word from Crowley. _Maybe this was a better decision then we thought._

That's at least what he thought until they discovered she was harvesting souls.

Summoning the bitch, blade in hand, Dean meant business.

He was in the bunker's dungeon when she showed up in the middle of the devil's trap.

"Good to see you lover. Need something?" She said with a wink. Glancing at the blade, she returned her gaze back to the fierce hunter. "Something you'd like to get off your chest?"

"Did you think we wouldn't find out?" He said pointing at her with the blade. "That you're fucking harvesting souls?" His hand was shaking uncontrollably as he held the blade.

"It's just a hobby of mine. No big deal." She smirked at the eldest Winchester, enjoying how the blade was affecting him.

"Shut it down. Everything." Dean hissed, his grip tightening on the blade.

"Has anyone ever told you that you were bossy?" Abaddon quipped. Dean could hear Alastair laughing next to him.

"It's come up." The hunter said, shrugging.

"Fine. As long as we still have a deal, I'll stop harvesting souls. Don't really need to because you're going to take out Crowley." The demon examined her nails, waiting to be released."We done here?"

Dean bent down, scraping away part of the devils trap allowing Abaddon to vanish. The eldest Winchester looked at the blade longingly, imaging sinking it deep into someone's chest. That someone eventually turned into Sam and Dean felt physically sick.

Mentally shaking himself he turned and started walking back to his room.

"A+ work back there kiddo. Really had her quaking in her boots." Alastair followed behind Dean, arms crossed. "Although, I would've voted to stab her but, I'm sure you've got a way to do it with more… flare." He sideways glanced at the hunter and watched him keep looking down at that blade.

"You know, that blade is going to end up killing you."

"Is that so?" Dean questioned, the obvious lack of interest in his voice.

"Yeppers. If you don't kill with it, it'll start to kill you. Come on, let's go on a hunt! Can't you just imagine slicing off some vamps head, stabbing some demon, chopping up a ghoul?" There was a seductive tone in Alastair's voice. He was trying to get Dean interested. Sadly, it was working.

Dean's steps faltered a bit as he started to think of the possibilities. Shaking his head he opened the door to his bedroom.

….

The next couple of weeks went by in a blur. Dean was mainly running off of coffee and two hours of sleep, they helped Jodi out with a case, Sam bitched at his brother for not opening up, etc.

It was a few days after they got back from the hunt with Jodi that Sam and Castiel found out about Alastair.

….

Team Free Will was all sitting at the long table in the main area of the bunker discussing battle strategies against Crowley. Abaddon had called a few hours earlier with his location and they were preparing for a fight.

Dean's gaze was fixed on one spot to the far left of Sam and Cas. At the moment, Alastair was giving wet willies to the brother's mom.

"Dean? What are you looking at?" Sam asked, his eyebrows creased with worry.

Dean blinked a couple times and Alastair and his mom both disappeared. "Nothing. I'm sorry, you said something?"

By this point, the demon was right next to Dean's ear screaming his name over and over.

_DEAN DEAN DEAN DEAN DEEEAAANNNNN_

The eldest Winchester tried to focus on Sam, he really did. But he couldn't hear a damn thing.

_DEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN_

"Fucking dammit Alastair if you don't shut up!" Dean screamed, standing up quickly causing his chair to fall over.

Cas and Sam stared wide-eyed at Dean.

"Did you say...Alastair?" The angel questioned.

The demon was now laughing his ass off as Dean sighed heavily.

"You're seeing Alastair. Like how I saw Lucifer." Sam scoffed. "You didn't think that might've been important information Dean?" The youngest hunter had had enough with Dean's half truths and vague ass answers.

"Bite me." Dean spat, fixing the chair. "Let's focus on Crowley."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Castiel walked over to Dean, and pulled him into an embrace. Hesitating, the hunter returned the hug. Cas nodded slowly as he made his way back over to his seat.

What Dean would never admit to anyone or even himself, is that he really had needed that hug.

…

**TBC**

**Sorry for the late (for me anyways) update. Also for this chapter not being very actiony. But don't worry, next chapter will be! Two or three chapters is when I'll switch to what I think will come in season ten!**

**Thanks for reading and all the fantastic reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6: Showdown

**CHAPTER SIX: Showdown**

"Are you _positive _this is the right place?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Positive." Dean said, walking towards the abandoned hotel. "Abaddon said she saw some demons making their way to the basement and also posted throughout the first two floors. If you go to the basement, I'll start clearing the second floor and we'll meet in the middle."

"It's sad how you feel you need to lie to Sam. Really sad." Alastair shook his head with disapproval as Dean passed the door leading to the third floor. He had decided to take the stairs incase the elevator would give away their position.

"I'm protecting him." The hunter said through clenched teeth. He had the blade wrapped in a towel in his right hand, his other hand free.

By the time he made it to the eighth floor, Dean was getting more and more excited. _Two more floors._

….

"What I don't understand is how you got Dean to follow you." Crowley gestured to Abaddon who was bleeding from the shoulder in a chair. The King had taken extra precautions and carved devil traps into some bullets and shot the ginger once he realized what she had done.

"I actually know how to close a deal. You on the other hand were too busy binging on humanity." Abaddon sneered. Just the thought of Crowley thinking he had won was laughable.

"Don't worry Darling; I know Dean will make the right decision in the end."

….

Opening up the door slowly, Dean glanced in the musty hotel room to see Abaddon collapsed on a chair.

She had one hand clutching her shoulder and the demon turned her head so she could see the hunter.

Dean pointed at his shoulder with the First Blade and took a few steps forward.

Out of nowhere a demon jumped out and grabbed Dean's shoulder.

Before either of them knew what was happening, Dean shoved the demon away and sank the blade deep into its stomach, causing it to crumple in on itself. Pushing the body to the floor, Dean turned to see Crowley, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a glass of scotch.

"Dean, good to see you." Taking a sip from the glass, the King set it down carefully on a wooden table next to him.

Dean just glared at the King of Hell, nostrils flaring.

"Shame really, we could've made a hell of a team." Crowley flicked his wrist sending Dean up against the wall, the blade still firmly grasped in his hands.

"Where's Moose at? I don't want him to miss this. I mean he'll be next, but watching your brother die is always something you want to see." Walking over to Dean, Crowley put both hands in his pockets. "I could've helped you Dean. But instead you had to go with _her_." He said the word 'her' with enough venom to make Dean's skin crawl.

Before Crowley could react, Dean was pulling against the power that kept him against the wall. The King's eyebrows creased with shock and worry as the eldest Winchester made his way off of the wall coming towards him.

No matter how hard Crowley tried, he couldn't get Dean back up against the wall.

The hunter was merely inches away from Crowley.

Dean sank the first blade deep into the King's chest, heaving him off of the ground.

Crowley's eyes flashed a bright white as his body went limp.

After his body fell to the floor, Dean continued to stab his body over and over again.

Dean hadn't even noticed Sam trying to haul him off of Crowley at first. Dean was too far gone and they both knew it.

….

"Care to give me a hand lover?" Abaddon glanced at Dean expectantly as she tried digging the bullet out of her shoulder.

Wiping his hand on a towel, the eldest Winchester glared at the new Queen. "Don't push it."

Sam hadn't stopped staring at his brother since he got him off of Crowley. It was like Dean was an exploding time bomb just waiting to go off.

…

One of the last things Dean remembers is knocking his brother out and hunting down Metatron. He remembers bits and pieces of the talking beforehand, but very little of the actual fight.

He remembers Metatron flinging him against the wall and beating him senseless.

He remembers thinking he was going to die.

He remembers seeing Sam run towards him after Metatron stabbed the angel blade through his chest.

The blinding pain that followed the blow is what almost made him let go. But he couldn't die without settling things with Sam.

He had to let Sam know how much he cared for him.

"I'm proud of us."

The last thing Dean Winchester remembers before waking up is thinking it was the end; and feeling relieved.

The last words he remembers hearing were from Alastair:

"See you when you're back in black."

….

**TBC**

**Hopefully this story is still developing nicely and that you're still enjoying it. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!**


	7. Chapter 7: Hunter Becomes The Hunted

**CHAPTER SEVEN: Hunter Becomes The Hunted**

_Emptiness._

That's what Sam felt as he sobbed on his dead brother's shoulder.

He couldn't move.

He didn't _want_ to move.

By the time Sam pulled himself together and got his brother's body into the backseat of the impala, Sam didn't know how much longer he could keep going.

Sliding in to the driver's seat, Sam stared out the window.

"DAMMIT." He screamed as he banged his hands against the steering wheel. After a few minutes, he finally put the car in drive and floored it. He wanted to summon Abaddon as soon as possible to make the bitch bring him back.

….

The second Sam got to the bunker and set his brother down on his bed, he bolted to the dungeon.

He got all the supplies he needed to do the summoning spell.

He could feel himself getting desperate.

_This must've been how Dean felt when I died._

Sam started to feel some sort of understanding for his brother's actions. He could never make himself see it from his point of view until now. Until he was in a situation where he was just as desperate.

What Sam didn't know was that Abaddon was already there, just upstairs.

…...

_"He's dead, too."_

Metatron's words echoed through Castiel's mind even after Hannah had locked the deranged angel up in Heaven's jail.

When Hannah started talking about leadership, it snapped Cas out of his mind.

"I just want to be an angel." Castiel said sadly.

Dean Winchester was dead.

He had tried so hard and for long to prevent just that.

He had failed and now his best friend had lost his life.

Cas's thoughts flickered to Sam for a moment and he made a mental note to go check on him.

Not yet, but soon.

…...

Abaddon strolled into the room where Dean was lying on a bed. His eyes were shut and he looked at peace.

But the new Queen knew he wasn't.

Taking a seat next to the desk and crossing her legs, she pulled the first blade out and set it on top of the desk.

"You know, I bet Crowley was planning on doing this. Hell, I bet he had a whole monologue written out. He sure liked to hear the sound of his own voice." Abaddon smiled and paused before continuing. "Your brother is summoning me as we speak. He wants me to bring you back. But, there really is no need too. See Crowley left some details out when he told you about the mark. Story goes Cain didn't want to become the monster it was making him, so he took his own life with the blade. But the mark never quite let go. It brought him back, but not how he was when he left." She stood up, picking up the blade, and made her way over to Dean's body.

Grasping the eldest Winchester's right hand, she placed the First Blade into his hand and placed both of his hands on his chest.

"Listen to me Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now, it's not death. It's life, a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. _See_ what I see. _Feel _what I feel. And let's go raise a little hell."

A wicked smile crossed across Abaddon's face when she saw Dean open his eyes.

But they weren't the dazzling green everyone was use to.

They were pitch black.

…

**TBC**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! Constructive criticism is always welcome as well as compliments!**


	8. Chapter 8: Dead Should Stay Dead

**CHAPTER EIGHT: Dead Should Stay Dead**

Dean sat up in the bed he was just previously lying dead on.

Except it wasn't Dean.

Not really anyways.

Of course, there was no panic when Abaddon handed the newest Knight of Hell a mirror and he saw the blackness of his eyes.

Because he wasn't human anymore.

Instead he smiled, gripping the First Blade tighter.

Abaddon straightened, smirking. She knew the human side of Dean worst nightmare had come true, but the demon side of him couldn't be happier.

The Mark finally had a suitable host.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Dean stood up. He cracked his neck and felt the now healed smoothness of his chest.

A deadly smile crept along his face as he made his way to the door with Abaddon leading.

"What the fuck have you done?"

_Shit._

….

After waiting a minute or so after I completed the summoning spell, I realized that Abaddon wasn't coming.

Hearing a creak from upstairs, my heart sped up as I raced to the bedroom Dean had been in.

Opening the door, I couldn't believe what I saw.

Abaddon was in the room leading Dean out of it. But my brother's eyes were darker then the smile that occupied his face.

"What the fuck have you done?" I spat, shoving Abaddon to the wall, my arm across her throat.

The new Queen just laughed as Dean grabbed the back of my shirt and threw me across the room, my chest hitting the corner of the bed.

I cried out in pain as Dean walked over gripping my collar and bringing his arm back like he was going to hit me.

"Come on, lover. He's not worth it. We have work to do." Abaddon purred. My brother let go of my shirt and stepped back, glancing at Abaddon who was walking out of the room.

"Dean, don't do this." I pleaded, giving him my famous puppy dog eyes.

Dean's eyes flashed green and something like recognition crossed his face as he stared at me, silent tears making their way down my cheek.

"Sa-Sammy?" He said, hesitantly.

"It's ok Dean. I'm okay. Just… Don't go with Abaddon. I know I have no right to ask you to stay here and be my brother because I haven't been one to you in so long. But please… We can fix this." I was practically begging now.

"Fix what?" The new Knight of Hell asked, looking extremely and genuinely confused.

Seeing the mirror on the bed, I held it out to him whose eyes had turned back to black.

He let out a small gasp as Abaddon walked back into the room. "Damn Winchester's always have to mess up my plans." She walked over to Dean and yanked the mirror from his hands. "Lover, he was the one who didn't give a shit about you. He betrayed you. Left you to die." She ran a hand through his hair. "Come on, you don't need him. He told you he wouldn't save you. He's lying Dean."

That was enough to cause my brother to lose what little grip he had on his humanity. Glaring at me, he let Abaddon guide him out of the room.

….

Lifting up my shirt, there was a huge purple and blue bruise on the right side of my ribcage.

"Where did that come from?" Castiel asked from the doorway of the bathroom.

Grimacing, I pulled down my shirt.

_How am I supposed to tell Cas his best friend is a demon?_

"I honestly don't know how to say this…" I whispered.

"I am aware of Dean's death." The angel's voice was so professional, lacking any and all emotion.

"Cas… he's alive." I paused as I let the initial thought sink in. The angel's face brightened immediately only to fall slightly when he saw the pain in my eyes.

"But…?" He said, obviously not really wanting to know the answer.

"He's not Dean."

….

Abaddon had perched herself in the swivel chair in Crowley's office which looked like something from a home catalog.

"I expected it to be… darker." Dean said scoffing at the former King's interior decorating. There was a huge window behind his desk that looked over the pit.

There were racks encircling a crater of fire. Each and every rack was occupied with a demon torturing some poor bastard. Dean smiled remembering his time he spent torturing.

"I thought Crowley made this place less… hot?" The new Knight questioned, recalling what Cas had said about endless lines.

"I had time to redecorate before you turned." She glanced up at him as she stood up, joining him at the window.

"I have a mission for you." Abaddon said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Looking at her through pitch black eyes, Dean smirked. "Whatever it is, I'm in."

…

"And you're sure?" Castiel questioned. He had probably asked me this about ten times. He just couldn't wrap his head around it.

"Yeah Cas." I said running a hand down my face. "I'm positive."

"Well, we need to get him back. We can save him Sam." The angel said confidently.

I stood up from the kitchen table, turning my back against Cas as I placed my hands on the counter. "We don't know enough about the Mark of Cain and how it makes Dean different." With a slight chuckle I had a realization. "Hell, we don't even know if the normal stuff will work."

"Exactly, we don't know. So we get him here, and do every damn test in the book till we find a way to help him." Pausing for a moment, Cas made his way over to me, patting my back.

"We will save Dean Winchester."

….

"You want me to do what?" Dean asked disbelief in his voice.

"Are you saying you won't do it?" Abaddon asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I'm all for it. Just wanting to make sure I understood you correctly." The Knight twirled the jagged knife in his hand. It was about as long as his forearm and about as deadly looking as a grenade.

"I want this whole town destroyed. Every person, every household, every bunny. All of it, gone." She grabbed his arm, looking at the soon to be nonexistent town.

Dean's eyes switched to black as a cruel smile plastered his face.

"Let the fun begin."

….

Abaddon was standing on the edge of town, waiting for Dean to finish. The constant screaming had her feeling satisfied as she stood patiently.

One of her most loyal demons appeared next to her after about ten minutes.

"What's the point of this ma'am?" The lower-class demon questioned.

"I want to see how far he'll go. By the looks of it, it's as far as I want him to." A sly smile crept across her face as more screams joined the others.

"What's your plan exactly? For him to lead some new Knights?"

"Not just Knights. Everyone. I'm training the soon-to-be King. Can you imagine it? A Winchester, _Dean _Winchester, leading Hell. That'll put a knife in his reputation." She smiled cruelly as she saw her blood stained puppet make his way over to her.

….

**TBC**

**Reviews are still greatly appreciated.**


	9. Chapter 9: Downhill From Here

**CHAPTER NINE: Downhill From Here**

You never get over the high from watching someone's life drain from their eyes.

Dean took his time.

When Abaddon had asked him to obliterate the town, he was at first too shocked to even comprehend it.

All he needed was a little push.

What he wasn't expecting was to have Alastair right there with him.

"Where to start…" The demon crossed his arms but left one finger to tap at his chin. He had appeared next to Dean as he was standing in the middle of the road, surveying the location.

"…Fucking serious… Still? Really?" Dean said rolling his eyes.

"As long as some part of you is still human, I'll be here. Don't worry, by the looks of you, I won't be here much longer." He chuckled as the Knight made his way down the road eyeing a young woman jogging towards them. Seeing Dean's black eyes, she stopped looking like she'd just seen a ghost. _Not quite._

_"_Although," Alastair started. "I am anxious to see what Sam has planned to try and dig you out of the deep dark hole that is your soul."

Ignoring the snarky demon, the Knight continued down the road, searching for his first victim.

….

Dean relished the sound of the screams. As he made his way from household to household, victim to victim, he could feel himself giving in to the urges.

When Alastair had first appeared to him so many months ago, he was just about as vivid as Sam or Cas standing right next to him. It seemed as though the more human Dean was the clearer Alastair was. At this point, the Knight could almost see through the demon. Almost.

Smiling at the thought, he continued down the street, missing the feel of the First Blade in his hand, but not caring nearly as much as he used to.

…

Sam was knelt down by the bed Dean was previously lying dead on, pulling out the First Blade that had somehow ended up underneath it. He smiled gratefully, happy that at least his brother didn't have the blade to turn him completely into something he wasn't.

_This is all your fault. Did you not see what was happening to me these past few months? Could you not see the pain, the bloodlust, in my eyes? Have you really been paying that little attention?_

Even though Dean had never said those things, he could hear them so clearly recited in his older brother's voice in his head.

Rubbing at his temples, Sam made his way down to the bunker's dungeon, putting the Blade in the middle of the devil's trap, praying that it'd keep his brother from getting to it.

"Sam." Castiel appeared standing a little too close to the youngest Winchester.

Backing up and shaking his head a little, Sam glanced at the angel hopefully. "Anything on Dean?"

Cas hesitated, his eyebrows creased. "Yes, but it is troubling." He paused, trying to find the right words. "He was last spotted outside a small town in Wisconsin. Sam… The whole town has been slaughtered."

Sam's eyes widened in disbelief as he leaned against the wall for support, trying to take in the news. When they did find a way to save his brother, the guilt that'd come with being human would kill him.

The hunter ran a hand down his face as he looked the angel in the eye. "Was he with Abaddon?"

"Yes, but she was there mainly to observe." Castiel's frown deepened the more he talked about it.

"Take me to him. I need to see him."

….

Dean put his arms out to the side, gesturing to the town behind him. "Satisfied?" He flashed a smile, his eyes being enveloped in black. It was clear he was proud of himself.

Abaddon returned the smile, looping her arm through Dean's as they walked with their backs to the town. "Impressive. Good to know that humanity of yours is nonexistent."

"What's next?" He looked at the Queen expectantly, waiting for the next person, thing, or city on his hit list.

….

"Sam I highly advise against that." Castiel warned.

"Why? It's not like I have anything to lose right?" He spat. It was obvious to the angel that Sam somehow found a way to blame himself for this whole mess.

"How do you find fault for this in yourself?" The angel wondered.

"Maybe if I had paid more attention, hadn't pushed him away and towards Crowley, hell, hadn't told him I wouldn't save him." He scoffed. "Shall I make a list?"

Cas shoved Sam against the wall, hard. Gripping his collar, the angel hissed his next words. "This was no one's fault but your brother's. He's got blinders on Sam. Once he gets a task, he'll do anything and everything to finish it." Stepping away and letting go of his shirt, Cas rubbed at his eyes. "Now, unless you have a plan, I'm not taking you to him.

Sam then proceeded to take something out of his pocket, showing it to the angel.

"Plan A."

….

After Dean had murdered a whole fucking town, word got out about his latest 'predicament'.

By this point, every hunter, every angel, and every demon knew who the new dick on the block was.

This meant that Sam had to get his ass in gear.

He had decided to turn on the news after Cas had left, promising to return with Dean's location.

It was on every single goddamn news channel. Talk about what had happened in that small town.

Thankfully, there were no pictures of his brother up, yet anyways.

_We are so fucked._

_…._

**TBC**

**Thanks again for reviewing and reading. Please continue to leave feedback because it gives me motivation to write!**


	10. Chapter 10: Unexpected

**CHAPTER TEN: Unexpected**

By the time Castiel returned with Dean's location, he had already slaughtered another town. Sam knew that if he didn't act now, there was no getting his brother back.

"He's just outside a small town in Nevada, a soon to be demolished town, I might add. You have very little time Sam." Cas stated, worry in his voice. He hesitated then continued. "Do you remember how you and your brother captured Crowley before?"

"Yeah, Dean handcuffed himself to him. Why?" Sam asked, eyeing the angel suspiciously.

"No reason. Are you ready?" Castiel asked, taking a step towards the youngest Winchester.

"Let's go." Rubbing at the object in his pocket absently, the angel grabbed Sam's shoulder and they disappeared.

….

Alastair was laughing quietly as he and Dean made their way towards the town. _Lucky number three._

"You are so whipped." Alastair commented, looking back to see Abaddon watch her newest lap dog make his way towards the first house.

"What? No I'm not." Dean glared at Alastair, only to then smile at how see through the hallucination was.

"Dean."

The Knight's heart ached the second he heard the voice that came from behind him. He knew whose it was without having to turn around. His eyes switched back to green for a brief moment as he spun to face his brother.

"Sammy, good to see you." Dean smirked, seeing his brother had not brought any weapons, just an angel. "Cas, pleasure as always."

Sam took a step towards his brother, causing Castiel to stiffen slightly which elicited a look of satisfaction come across Dean's face. _They're afraid of me. Mission accomplished._

"This isn't you Dean. I know you're in there. You just got to take back control." The youngest Winchester was pleading at this point, his famous puppy dog face in play.

The Knight's eyes switched to green and stayed that way for awhile. All of a sudden he could make out every detail about Alastair who had now gone to stand next to Sam.

_No no no this can't be happening._

"So, I'm assuming you're here to stop me. Newsflash Sammy, I'm a bit out of your league." Dean crossed his arms, eyes black, and his face smug.

"I plan on it actually. See Dean, I came prepared." He put his hand in his pocket, about to take something out, when Cas appeared next to Dean. Before anyone knew what was happening, he quickly attached one end of the demon warded handcuffs to Dean's right wrist, the other end firmly cuffed to Castiel's left wrist.

The Knight glared at the angel yanking on the cuffs. But Cas stood still, smirking at the fact that Dean couldn't make himself or the cuffs disappear. Sam stared at the pair, eyes wide, and mouth wide open. _Way to clue me in on the plan Cas._

"What did you fucking do?!" He spat.

"I had a short conversation with Cain. Very informative."

With that, Team Free Will vanished.

…...

Dean awoke in the same position and place Crowley had been held in. The bunker's dungeon smelled heavily of sulfur and Dean was bound to a metal chair. His wrists and ankles were clamped to the chair, he had a devil warded chain around his neck along with the handcuffs on, and he was inside a devils trap.

The Knight knew that the devil's trap wasn't doing anything, but everything else was.

Dean felt powerless. When Cas had first cuffed him his power had drained by half. But now? It was almost nonexistent.

Sam looked at his brother. In the shape he was in now, he could barely recognize him.

The _thing _in front of him was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, which was already out of character seeming as though Dean always wore multiple layers. He was covered in blood and dirt from head to toe, none of the blood being his own. His brother's face just looked harder. His jaw was sharper and he held his head with a new sense of cockiness. Add in the black eyes and smug smile and that was not Dean Winchester.

By the time Sam and Castiel walked in, the Knight looked almost bored.

"Can we get this over with? I've got people to kill, towns to destroy and what not." His bored expression was replaced with a smirk as he saw Sam flinch slightly.

"Do you really think you're getting out of here when you've gone this far downhill?" Cas asked, raising an eyebrow, his voice raising along with it.

"Oh I count on it. Don't worry Cas, I'll save you for last." Dean winked at the angel and Castiel snapped. Rushing over to the Knight, he punched him in the jaw which only caused Dean to laugh. After a few more swings, Sam finally hauled Cas out of the room, shutting the door behind them. They could hear Dean's faint laughter.

Spitting the blood out of his mouth onto the floor, Dean smirked, an idea sparking in his head. He was going to make the best out of this situation and he knew exactly how to do it.

….

Shoving Cas out of the room, Sam shook his head. "You can't let this get personal. Don't let him get in your head." The youngest Winchester sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry Sam. I just hate seeing him like that."

"You think I don't? I've known him my whole fucking life Cas! But you don't see me taking a swing!" Sam was pissed. How could he be so unprofessional? They weren't going to get anywhere with Dean if they thought of him as a friend or brother.

"I'm-" The angel started.

"If you say sorry so help me, I'll kill you." Sam ran a tired hand down his face after he saw Castiel's face fall. "Look-"

"It's fine Sam. I should probably leave." With that, Cas disappeared leaving the hunter to deal with the murderous demon.

Taking a deep breath, Sam walked in.

He knew he had to face his brother sooner or later.

…

**TBC**

**Please continue to read and review. I appreciate them so much. Let me know how you think the story is going and if you have anything you want to see!**


	11. Chapter 11: Leave The Past, In The Past

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: Leave The Past, In The Past**

"Good going, letting yourself get captured like that. Rookie mistake if you ask me." Alastair quipped. He had shown up standing right in front of the Knight, arms crossed, after Sam had hauled Cas from the room.

"Nobody asked you." Dean spat. He thought that when he became a demon who wouldn't have to put up with this bullshit anymore. Guess not.

After a few loud words from the hallway that Dean couldn't quite make out, Sam returned angel-less.

Making his way over to his brother, the youngest Winchester stood in front of Dean, frowning slightly.

"Careful, your face will get stuck like that." The Knight commented, smirking.

Sam rolled his eyes.

"So what's your big plan here Sammy? Are you going to cure me? Torture me? All of the above?" Dean said, smugness in his voice.

"Not quite sure yet. Dad would've killed you if he was still kicking. Not sure how to hurt you since you're a knight. It might be a long few days for you." Sam said, shrugging casually.

Dean chuckled. "John's come close to killing me in the past. What's new?" He saw Sam flinch and a look of confusion cross his face. The youngest Winchester obviously hadn't known about his brother's past with his dad.

"Oh that's right, you were either locked in your room or off somewhere on your own when it happened." The Knight said, waiting for Sam to press.

The hunter knew it was a bad idea to ask what he was referring too, but he had to know. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Did you really think all those scars on my back came from hunting? Sammy I'm too good a hunter for that. Or those times when you came out of your room and my face was all bruised and puffy was from me falling into the table?" Dean stopped to scoff.

"You're lying. You're just trying to get to me."

"The worst beatings were every time you left. Like when you took off when you were thirteen, or when you left for two weeks to go on your own hunt. Oh, but the best one was when you left for Stanford. Hell, I'm surprised I didn't go into a coma after that one."

Sam shook his head, rubbing his eyes with one hand. "Shut up." _There's no way Dad beat him when he was fucking 22 years old. Is there?_

The youngest Winchester began doubting his initial beliefs. He always thought that his brother and father had a good relationship because Dean always did what he was asked. When he really thought about it, Sam could remember instances that the demon was talking about.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Think about it Sammy. Am I lying? Looking back, you see the signs. You _know_ I'm telling the truth. They were always you're fault too. 'Protect Sammy, look after your brother, keep him safe.'" The Knight rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." Sam said through clenched teeth.

"You were about as helpless as an armless bunny." Dean spat.

"I said shut up!"Without hesitation, Sam stepped forward and punched Dean right in the ribs. He let out a small gasp, but that was it.

"Those weren't my fault! You're just pissed off because you let Dad hit you when you were a fucking adult! You didn't have the guts to run away Dean! But I did. You have no right to hold that against me!" Sam then shoved the demon, causing his chair to fall over. Before he knew it, Dean's face was covered in blood and bruised from one punch after another from the hunter. What Sam didn't know was how his brother was still smiling, let alone laughing, when he finally stopped.

Dean's laughter echoed against the walls as Sam pulled the chair up, breathing hard.

"Whatever gets you through the night Sammy." Dean winked at his brother before Sam turned around and walked out of the room.

….

"You are such a dick." Alastair said with a fake disapproving tone. He shook his head and made a tsk tsk tsk noise. "Bit of a low blow to bring up your dad."

Dean shrugged casually smirking, obviously not regretting what he had done. "All part of the plan. Maybe I can break Sammy before he breaks me."

….

Dean was surprised when both Sam and Castiel walked back in the room about an hour later. He eyed the black case warily that Cas was holding.

"Aw Cas, you didn't have to get me anything." The demon wiggled his brows at the angel and then frowned. "And to think I didn't get you anything!"

"Do us all a favor, and shut up." Castiel said, he was starting to get fed up with Dean's snarky comments.

"Last time someone told me that, I ended up on the floor."

Setting the black case on the table near the shelves, Cas laid it open, revealing six blood-filled syringes.

"Dean let out a shaky laugh. "If you think that's going to work on me, you're crazy. You can't cure me. I'm not what you two have dealt with before."

Sam smiled slightly. He could hear the fear in his brother's voice and was hoping his humanity was coming back.

"We'll see Dean. We'll see." Castiel made his way over to the knight. "If the real you is in there, let him know I'm sorry." With that, he stuck the needle into his neck, and pressed on the plunger.

….

**TBC**

**For those of you that read my last story, I'm going to bring back a theme I used. Mainly because I can't think of anything else creative for what I'll be using it for. But don't worry, it'll have different effects and different outcomes.**

**Please continue to read and review. I want to know what you guys want to see and how you think the story is going!**


	12. Chapter 12: Hell On Earth

**This whole chapter I am going to have in Dean's point of view (I, me, my). That way you can get a more in depth view of what is going through that crazy head of his.**

**CHAPTER TWELVE: Hell On Earth**

It felt like fire was running through my veins.

The second Cas injected me with the blood, I almost lost consciousness from the pain.

I eventually did.

After a few moments, my voice had grown hoarse from my screaming. I tried not to scream, didn't want to give Sam and Castiel any satisfaction.

But I gave in to the pain. And God knows I let them know how much it hurt.

I finally gave into the pull that was dragging me towards unconsciousness. But, not before I saw a smirk cross the angel's face.

…

I woke up to a punch to my jaw. Looking up at Cas, I moved my jaw back and forth. "You hit like a girl." I managed to get out, voice gruff.

"You're not curious?" The angel asked, raising a brow.

"About?" I spat. I could still feel the blood in my system, but now it just felt like a massive burn, except it was everywhere.

"Why the hell that worked so well?" Sam intervened. He was looking at me with worry, but not enough to ask how I was.

"Do share. I'm oh so eager to find out what you two had come up." I laid on the sarcasm extra heavy just to try and downplay how fucking curious I was. "Was it something else Cain told you?"

"See, we figured that regular purified blood wouldn't do a damn thing on you. So we decided to kick it up a notch." My brother stated. He seemed rougher, less sympathetic. By the looks of it, I was rubbing off on him.

"Come on, Dean. Put it together. What could an _angel_ and a human pull together that could cause _blood_ to hurt you that much?" Alastair said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. At the moment, it was like I was looking at him through a dirty window; not super clear, but enough to show my humanity was slowly but surely making its way front and center.

"Angel blood? Really guys? Really? Cas, was it yours? I gotta say, I didn't enjoy having you inside me." I smirked.

"You're unbelievable. After all you just went through you can still manage to pull out smart ass comment." Cas was getting pissed which only caused my grin to widen. Damn these two were easy to get too.

"Dammit Cas just inject him again and let's go. Let's get this curing shit done with so we can try to help him with what he'll wake up to" Listening to Sam, Cas walked over to the table picking up another syringe.

"It won't work." I let out a shaky laugh. I hadn't meant to sound so pathetic, but I wasn't ready for another injection so soon.

Sam scoffed as he turned to look at me. "Whatever gets you through the night Dean."

….

It had been three days since they started the injections. And let's just say, they were worse than Hell itself.

But, it did have its perks.

Every time Cas was the one injecting it and Sam stood by idly watching. And each and every time, Sam looked like shit. Bags under his eyes, worry lines evident on his face, and a look of helplessness permanently plastered to his face.

There were pros and cons to this situation.

By the third day, Alastair was getting more and more vivid which was quite upsetting. I wasn't ready to be human; neither mentally nor physically.

My internal rant was interrupted by Castiel waltzing in the room.

"Cozy?" He said plainly. His voice had been lacking any real emotion lately. Most likely trying to hide how much hurting me was hurting him. Yet another pro.

"You know, come to think of it. I could go for a fan in here. I really work up a sweat from all the screaming." I smirked when I saw Cas flinch.

The angel shook his head as he walked over, syringe in hand.

"Cas, can you give us a minute?" Sam asked, appearing from around the corner.

The angel stopped, the needle already in my neck. He then reluctantly pulled it out and stepped back. Glaring at me, Cas left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him.

"Are you going to talk my ear off? Because I'd rather have the injection beforehand." I quipped.

"You think I can't see it Dean? I know you a little better than that." He said matter of factly.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." I said smugly.

"You think I can't see how much the blood is affecting you? I can see the pain in your eyes Dean. Hell, your eyes haven't gone black in at least two days!" I quickly made my eyes switch to black, hoping to derail Sam's (correct) theory.

"I think you've been hitting the pain meds a little too hard Sammy." I said, forcing a laugh.

"Alright, so you're not as far along as I thought. But trust me Dean, you're almost there." Sam stood up and passed Cas on his way out.

….

By the time the fifth day came along, dumb and dumber started to figure out I was building up a tolerance to the stuff. This obviously made them upset which in turn made me very happy.

"So Dean, what's your big escape plan?" Alastair asked, leaning against the table with his arms crossed.

"I'm going to play my part."

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews and let me know what you want to read about! Any ideas are welcome!**


	13. Chapter 13: Turned Tables

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Turning Tables**

Abaddon was fuming.

She had finally, _finally, _gotten Dean Winchester wrapped around her thumb when he was taken right from under her.

She had been standing a couple hundred feet away, watching _her _Knight make his way to the town when those two had shown up. Of course, she hadn't thought anything of it.

She learned to never doubt a Winchester and an angel.

It happened so fast she barely had time to react. One second he was there, and then nothing.

To put it mildly, she was pissed.

…

It had been three days since Dean had been taken from her, and none of her piss poor demons had been able to scrounge him up.

"What do you mean you can't find him? He's not fucking invisible! He's a damn demon he can't be too hard to find!" Abaddon spat. She had been dealing with this kind of bullshit for the past few days and let's just say, she was creating a hit list.

"He's warded ma'am. The angel must've put up every sigil against us. Plus, we haven't been able to track the Winchester's down for months. They're at some location unreachable to us." The demon said, voice shaking.

"Lucky for us, I'm pretty sure I've been to said location." The Queen sat up from Crowley's old desk with a cruel smile plastered on her face.

She was going to get her Knight back one way or the other and Sam Winchester and Castiel were at the top of her hit list.

….

"Dammit Cas it's not working anymore!" Sam yelled, running a hand through his hair.

They had been up for hours discussing ways to potentially hurt Dean, and it was mentally draining. After all, it was his brother he was plotting to hurt.

"I know, but Sam maybe it's work-"The angel started.

"It's not! He's gotten even snarkier and seems less human then when we first nabbed him!" Sam stood up from the kitchen table turning his back on the angel and sighing deeply. He didn't mean to take his frustration out on Cas but he was there and Sam needed to yell at someone.

"Go talk to him Sam. If anyone can help him, it's you." Castiel said faintly, not wanting to get yelled at again.

Wiping a hand down his face, the hunter nodded and made his way down to the dungeon.

"Real pity. You had your chance to cure him but you blew it by bringing him here." Abaddon appeared next to Castiel, smirking. She went and sat in the chair across from him, crossing her legs.

Cas stood up, whipping out his angel blade. "Leave, before I make you." The angel threatened.

Abaddon scoffed. "Really Cas? _You_ are going to kill me? Last time I checked you had the only person who could, locked up ten different ways." She stood up carefully, eyeing the doorway.

….

Before Sam had even closed the door fully, Dean was already asking him a question.

"How's my baby?" The Knight asked sincerely.

"What?" Sam asked, bewildered. The phrase was so Dean-like, he faltered.

"My car?" He reiterated, waiting for an answer.

"Uh, it's in the garage, safe and sound." Sam gave Dean the biggest 'what the fuck' face he possibly could.

The eldest Winchester just nodded, looking like he was going to say something else. Then as if deciding against it, shook his head slightly and stared at the floor.

Deciding that it would do no harm, Sam pulled out another syringe from the black case on the table.

Dean craned his neck to the side patiently waiting for the injection.

Sam hesitated, eyeing the Knight suspiciously. He walked over, inserted the needle, and pushed the plunger.

Dean grimaced as Sam pulled out the needle and tossed the empty syringe casually on the table.

….

Abaddon had Cas pinned to the wall with one hand around his neck. The angel clawed at the Queen's arm only to have her laugh in his face.

"I thought angels were supposed to be all powerful. I gotta say I'm disappointed." She quipped. The demon effortlessly tossed Cas across the kitchen causing him to hit his head on the counter.

With a quick glance over her shoulder, Abaddon made her way to the dungeon.

…

The soft click of heels coming down the hallway had both Dean and Sam stunned.

"Abaddon…" Dean whispered. "Sam, you gotta get out of here!"

Sam stared shocked at his demon brother, "Since when do you care?"

"I-I don't know. You just have to leave Sammy!" The complete panic that showed on Dean's face was enough proof for the hunter. Scrambling over to his brother, he quickly undid all his bindings but the warded cuffs.

The Knight quickly stood up and shoved Sam behind him at the exact moment the door flung open.

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews. They're still appreciated. **


	14. Chapter 14:Plot Twist

**I'm going to be doing this chapter in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Plot Twist**

"Lovely to see you boys again so soon." Abaddon walked into the room, flinging the door shut behind her.

"What do you want?" I spat.

To be honest, I don't know how I ended up behind Dean. It was almost like his natural instinct took over. The instinct he was raised to have.

"I came for my Knight. Dean, let's go. We have work to do." The Queen purred, taking a step towards my brother.

He glanced over my shoulder and I saw pain flash in his bright green eyes before he shook his head slightly, facing Abaddon.

"You don't have the Blade lover. You couldn't kill me if you wanted to. So, let's think about this rationally. You can either come with me willingly," She stopped to smirk at me and then Dean. "Or I'll kill Sam and it'll be forcefully. It's Judgment Day." She crossed her arms as she waited for my brother to cave.

I cringed at the sound that erupted from Dean's throat.

Dean was laughing.

At first I couldn't tell, all I saw were his shoulders shaking softly. But then his laughing increased in volume as he turned around to face me.

"Sorry Sammy. I had you going for a minute there didn't I?" Dean asked smugly.

Before I knew what was happening, Dean swung his arm back and punched me across the jaw causing me to fall back against the wall.

The look of betrayal and pain that crossed my face must've been easily read because I saw Dean's glare falter a bit.

Sending me a quick wink, the Knight turned to face Abaddon, eyes going black.

It was as if Dean could feel the presence of the Blade because his eyes instantly rested on the spot on the shelf where I had hidden it. After walking over and picking it up, my brother took his spot next to Abaddon.

A smug smile crossed the Queens face as she glanced at me. "Sammy will you be a doll and get rid of those nasty cuffs?" She said with fake innocence.

Taking one last glance at my brother, I dug the key out from my pocket.

….

When Castiel finally made his way down to the dungeon, he was shocked at what he found.

I was sitting in the middle of the floor clutching the warded cuffs and staring blankly at the wall. Seeing no sign of Dean or Abaddon, Cas assumed the worst.

Making his way over to me, the angel patted my shoulder reassuringly. "What happened?"

It took a few minutes for me to get the will to answer, but eventually I spoke, my voice gruff. "Abaddon came down and told him some bullshit. He turned around, punched me, and then he…" I trailed off.

"What, Sam?" Cas persisted.

"He fucking winked at me." I said, standing up slowly, letting the cuffs fall to the floor.

"Do you think-"The angel started.

The question had us all stumped. Cas didn't even have to finish the sentence for me to know what he was talking about. Dean's humanity was up in the air and we had no idea how things would turn out.

"I don't know Cas. But then he left with her after I undid those." I said tiredly, gesturing towards the cuffs. "Oh, and he took the First Blade with him."

"Well we have to get him back." Castiel spoke confidently which only made me scoff.

"You're assuming there's anything left to get back."

….

"Why are we back here? No other towns to destroy?" Dean said, looking out the window at the pit.

Abaddon was sitting at the desk, her legs propped up on it. "Be patient. He'll be here soon."

"Who's he?" The Knight asked, raising an eyebrow. The demon moved to the front of the desk, placing his hands on it.

The Queen just glanced up at him, smirking. Dean rolled his eyes as he turned his back on the Queen, leaning against the desk, arms crossed.

His mind was racing while he tried to think of who was coming.

…

I was pacing the kitchen back and forth while I waited for Cas to show up. He was searching Heaven for any information on Knights of Hell as well as trying to seek out Cain again.

The suspense was killing me.

With every moment that passed, I could feel myself getting more and more anxious at what Dean could be doing.

….

The sound of heavy footsteps is what got Dean's attention. Straightening slightly, the Knight watched the door.

Abaddon made her way over to the front of the desk to stand next to Dean as the door creaked open.

"Dean, great to see you again."

_Fuck._

_…._

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews. Any guesses who 'he' is?**


	15. Chapter 15: What Now?

**I've decided to have the POV switch every chapter, different characters, not only between Sam and Dean. This one however, is in Dean's.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: What Now?**

"Really Dean, it's rude to stare at people. I thought you were raised better than that."

I couldn't believe my eyes as he made his way over to me. Patting my cheek lightly, he smirked at Abaddon and sat in the chair in front of us.

"So, I heard you have a slight problem keeping your Knights in line." He said, eyeing me.

"Knights? It's just me." I glanced at Abaddon, my eyes furrowed.

"Let's just say, a little too much humanity is showing for my liking." The Queen talked as if I wasn't there, as if I hadn't said anything.

Looking back and forth from the pair, I backed up slightly, putting two and two together.

Abaddon sent a look towards me, conveying that I better not move. But for the people who know me, I never do the smart thing.

"I need to get some air." I said casually backing up towards the door. I turned around to be face to face with the demon, directly in front of the double doors.

"You're not going anywhere, Dean-o."

The last thing I remember was the hard punch to my jaw from none other than Alastair.

….

"Did Cain have any more words of wisdom?" Sam said, wiping a tired hand down his face.

"Not really. Although, he thinks the angel blood would've eventually cured him if we would've kept going." Castiel said, sitting across from Sam at the kitchen table.

"What do you think?" Sam questioned, seeing the look of doubt in the angel's eyes.

"I'm not so sure. I feel we are really going to have to be creative in order to get Dean back. And even if we do somehow cure him-"

"He won't be able to live with himself." The hunter finished flatly. Just the thought of Dean having to deal with all the guilt made Sam cringe. If his brother had felt guilty about the souls he tortured in Hell, there's no telling how he'll be able to make it through this alive.

Castiel nodded sadly knowing what Sam meant.

"We need to find him Cas before he does anything else he'll regret." The youngest Winchester stood up. "Do you have any idea where he is?"

"If I were to guess, it'd be in Hell. There have been no reports about any other town massacres or anything relating to that. It's quiet Sam. Really quiet." The angel spoke slowly, thinking things through. "They're most likely planning something big. Something Dean won't bounce back from."

"Then let's take a little field trip to Hell."

….

When I finally opened my eyes, I opened them to a completely empty room. There were two separate chains attached to each of my wrists that were then hooked to the floor. Taking a closer look, I saw the chains were made up of the same sigils as the demon cuffs.

_Just fucking peachy._

Standing up slowly, I yanked on the chains to test their stability, only to just get angrier. The door was on the wall behind me, so when I heard it creak open, who it was, was beyond me.

Alastair made his way in front of me, stopping inches from my face.

"What the fuck is this?" I spat.

Alastair scoffed. "You really thought I was dead. Even after the past few months?" He questioned, staying uncomfortably close to me and ignoring my initial question.

"They were supposed to just be hallucinations." I whispered. He couldn't be back. He just _couldn't. _After everything I've gone through, all the memories linked to him…

"Since when is anything in your life that easy? I mean come on, Dean-o. Some part of you must've known it was too good to be true when your brother killed me." Alastair backed up a step, crossing his arms.

"Why am I here?" I said through clenched teeth. Was Alastair allergic to straight answers?

"Abaddon fears you've strayed from… your path." The demon stated, obviously avoiding the whole truth.

"What path? I'm here aren't I? I could've stayed with Sam."

"Yes, but the Queen insists you only did it to protect Sam. I told her that the last time I saw you, your humanity was basically nonexistent. But, she kept pushing. After being with you today, I know you still carry a torch for that little brother of yours." Alastair walked around me in circles as he spoke, trying to make me nervous.

"I don't give a fuck about that kid." I hissed. I almost cringed at the sound of my voice saying that. At this point, I cared for Sam. I remembered everything we've done for each other, my tendency to sacrifice everything for him, and the way he shut me out for months. It was my job to protect him which is how I ended up back with Abaddon in the first place.

Alastair's laugh made me grimace as it reverberated off the walls. "You just keep proving my point Dean-o. So, let's skip this part shall we? I'm here to break you and nothing else. How long it'll take, entirely up to you." Smirking, Alastair took out a blood filled syringe from his back pocket.

"Don't worry Dean, somebody else will be here to help me soon enough."

…

The angel blood hadn't done much; just left me feeling like my whole body had a third degree burn. But, none the less, Alastair was pleased.

My mind was racing. I was worried for Sam and Cas. And not to mention the last time somebody said someone was coming it ended up being my worst nightmare.

Who else could be brought in the mix to make my life even more of a living hell? No pun intended.

…...

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews. They give me motivation to write as well as boost my spirits and who doesn't need a good spirit boosting every one and a while? Thanks again for reading. Sorry for the constant cliffhangers.**


	16. Chapter 16: Unexpected Reunion

**Alright I lied, this one's in Dean's POV as well. But I promise the next one won't be.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Unexpected Reunion**

The suspense was killing me.

The list of people that could be coming was endless really. Enough people had it out for me.

Alastair was getting creative. Once he realized that the angel blood wasn't doing a whole lot of bad, he tried to put his own spin on it.

He tried dipping angel blades in the stuff, pouring it down my throat, coating salt in it, and whatever else he could come up with.

This went on for four days.

I lost track of how many times he carved into me.

I also lost track of all the times he dug his finger in a hole that he had already carved as punishment for me laughing.

But it was all too fucking funny.

The anger that radiated off of Alastair was enough to make me smirk, but when he would get so confident about his next move only to have it fail miserably?

I almost busted a gut.

The demon hadn't shown up for a couple hours, so when the door flung open, I wasn't surprised to see him stroll in. What I was shocked to see though was him smiling from ear to ear.

"I've found it." He said, a smugness lacing his words.

"Is this where I'm supposed to act interested and ask what you've found?" I quipped, smirking a bit when I was saw Alastair's smug look falter.

"Oh trust me Dean-o. You'll want a heads up on this one." He said, crossing his arms in front of me.

"And what pray tell do I want a heads up on?" I ask, tilting my head in fake interest.

Leaning down to whisper in my ear, Alastair said the one sentence that could make my skin crawl:

"Daddy's coming home."

….

"Cas we have to go. I can't just let him rot down there. Again. We can help him." Sam pleaded.

"We don't even know if he needs help. He could be too far gone to save and be having the time of his life right now. Sam, I have angels in Heaven who need my guidance. I can't-"The angel started.

"Can't what? Be bothered with something like, oh I don't know, saving your best friend?!" The hunter yelled. They were both standing up now next to the long table in the main area of the bunker.

"If you think for one second I wouldn't sacrifice my life for Dean then-"

"You don't need him anymore right? You just needed him to get Metatron out of the way. That's why you were so damn eager to use him as a nuke! But now that he's gone dark side you don't give a fuck anymore!"

"That is not true. I was respecting Dean's wishes when I argued in favor of Gadreel's plan."

"What wishes? He didn't ask for this!" With each reply, Sam was getting closer and closer to the angel, and his anger was just increasing.

"He wanted to kill Metatron and nothing either of us could've said would have changed his mind. So I decided we might as well help him do it safely." Castiel tried to reason with the stubborn Winchester but he was more like his older brother then they all thought.

Sam scoffed and turned away from the angel. "You're full of shit." Glancing at Cas over his shoulder, the hunter felt all the anger drain away. Just one look at Castiel's sad puppy dog eyes and he knew that Dean had and always will be in the angel's best interest.

"Listen I'm sorry man. I just… I just can't lose him. Not like this." Sam apologized. He hadn't meant to let his anger get out of control.

Cas nodded sadly. "I need to at least make an appearance. They trust me Sam. Even after all I've done. I can't screw up again."

The youngest Winchester could easily recognize the look of guilt and self loathing in the angel's eyes because he saw it so often in Dean's.

Sam nodded and Castiel gave him a small smile before disappearing.

…...

"No, he's been dead for years. There's no way you brought him back."

"Did it ever occur to you that you Daddy could have broken since the last time you saw him?" Alastair questioned, a sly smile occupying his face.

"His soul went upstairs after he bear hugged Azazel. I saw it."

The demon scoffed. "Sorry Dean-o. Your dad is still downstairs. Oh I'm sorry, _was. _But after all the time he spent down there, I don't know if we can really call him John anymore." Alastair glanced up at the door as it slowly creaked open.

I desperately tried to look over my shoulder but the position I was in prevented it. I could feel my anxiety level go through the roof as I waited for the inevitable. If they could bring back Alastair, no one was off limits.

Someone rested their hands roughly on my shoulders and squeezed hard. I cringed at the feel of the familiar hands.

Slowly making his way in front of me, I could feel my stomach in my throat. The look of utter disappointment and disgust that crossed his face made me not able to keep eye contact.

"Look at me."

Slowly lifting my head, my fears were confirmed.

"Dad…?"

"What the fuck have you done now?"

…

**TBC**

**The plot thickens. Please continue to review so I know you're still enjoying the story.**


	17. Chapter 17: A Plan In Motion

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: A Plan In Motion**

Dean was spitting blood from his mouth onto the floor.

John rubbed at his blood stained knuckles, contemplating his next move.

"So, somehow you managed to get yourself turned into one of the disgusting bottom feeders we hunt." John scoffed and sent a look of resentment towards his son. "I always knew you were a fuck up. Even when you were a kid, I knew."

"Yeah and you sure fucking showed it." Dean spat.

"You deserved much more then what you got, boy." Punching his son again, blood started to trickle down the Knight's nose.

"Pathetic, worthless, grunt…" With each passing insult, a punch was thrown. By the fourth or fifth hit, Dean was on his knees, pulling desperately at the chains to try and defend himself.

"You had one job Dean; protect your little brother. And you fucked it up. I should've known I couldn't trust you with such an easy task." John hissed, kicking his son in the ribs.

Dean's eyes were pitch black when he answered and remained that way. "Easy? That kid's been a living nightmare to try and take care of. Maybe if you had been there-"This time it was an angel blade being drove into Dean's shoulder that stopped his smart ass comment. He gasped a bit as he felt the angel blood seep into his wound.

"Daddy's blunt little instrument. You're a good little solider Dean. That's it. Hell, you didn't even think twice about destroying those towns when Abaddon asked you to. But you'll blame it on the whole demon thing. Not the fact that there's always been something twisted inside you." John grabbed a hold of the angel blade in Dean's shoulder and twisted it before he yanked it down, carving into the Knight.

Alastair stood by idling watching in the corner, a smirk never leaving his face.

….

"Dammit Cas!" I yelled, pounding my fists on the table. The fucking angel had been gone for almost two days doing 'work' in Heaven.

_All the while Dean's rotting downstairs._

I was desperate. So, instead of sitting on my ass until Castiel finally showed up, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I prayed to Hannah.

Even though I had only met her once and that was when she was trying to get Cas to kill my brother, I figured it was worth a shot.

Five minutes later, she showed up, looking extremely disoriented.

"Sam?" She said quietly.

"Hannah I-." I started.

"Wait. First, I would like to apologize. For almost having Dean killed and… his current situation." She smiled sadly, looking a bit uncomfortable.

I nodded. "Thanks Hannah, that means a lot. But, I need your help."

"My help? With what?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I need you to get me to Hell."

"I'm not following." Hannah stated, looking even more confused than Cas ever has.

"Dean's down there. Rotting. And I can't do a damn thing to stop it. Unless…"

"Unless what, Sam?" Hannah questioned, taking a step towards me.

"Unless someone gets me down there so I can bring my brother back." I couldn't help the sound of desperation in my voice.

Hannah stopped for a second to consider this. "I need to tell Castiel."

"Or just get him to do it! I haven't heard from him in days."

"He's been questioning Metatron for answers about Dean. Ways to hurt him, ways to help him, you name it. But… Metatron. His will is strong. And Castiel is trying to do it without torture. Plus he doesn't have you and Dean to help him this time."

"Just… ask him." I pleaded.

Hannah nodded and disappeared.

_Fucking angels don't know how goodbyes work._

….

"I have an idea." John stated.

By this time, every inch of Dean was covered in blood and he had angel blades sticking out of every direction from his body. One in particular went through his thigh with another one lodged up into his ribcage.

But that wasn't the worse part.

The worst part was the fact that Dean's eyes hadn't been that brilliant green in the past two days. Ever since John had shown up, it was like the humanity left in the eldest Winchester stopped fighting.

And Alastair and John knew it.

"Oh please, tell me what your idea is." Dean said sarcastically.

"How about we bring Sammy down here? Have a big family reunion." John took a step forward, grabbing Dean's face with one hand and squishing his cheeks together.

With a smug eyebrow raised, Dean replied. "Go ahead. But you have to promise you'll allow me to take a swing."

….

"I'm here Sam." Castiel said, appearing next to me in my bedroom. I was in the middle of packing a duffel bag full of anything I could possibly need to save Dean. Patting my pocket real quick, I sighed with relief when I felt the familiar form of the object inside.

"Cas, I wasn't expecting you." I said, glancing at the angel.

"I didn't want Hannah doing this. Also I have reached an impasse with Metatron. He refuses to talk. I'm sorry Sam, I tried." Castiel looked defeated. He wanted so hard to save his best friend but he had no idea had.

I patted the angel on the shoulder lightly as I swung the duffel over my shoulder.

"Come on. Let's go get our brother back."

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to review. I feel more motivated to write when I see you guys are still enjoying the story.**


	18. Chapter 18: Last Efforts

**This chapter is in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Last Efforts**

Alastair was in the middle of beating the shit out of me (John was taking a break) when an unfamiliar demon walked in the room. Completely ignoring me, the demon made his way over to my torturer and whispered something in his ear. By the look on his face, it was good news.

Bad news for me.

Alastair nodded at the demon to signify he was dismissed and turned towards me.

"I know something you don't know." Alastair said as if he was a five year old.

"Oh, bite me." I spat, spitting blood onto the floor.

"Not with that attitude." Alastair crouched down, holding my face with one hand. "Sammy's on his way. Probably has some big escape plan to getcha outta here too."

…

"So what's the plan?" Castiel questioned, refusing to leave until Sam had a full proof way of helping Dean.

"No idea." The youngest Winchester said, running a tired hand down his face. Because they had no idea what kind of situation Dean was in, they couldn't come up with a good escape plan.

"Let's say he's with Abaddon in Crowley's old office. What will you do? Or he's being tortured? Or he's torturing souls?"

"Dammit Cas I don't know! Can we just go? I'm better at improv anyways." The hunter said, tired of the angel wanting him to explain his behavior.

Sure, Sam had an idea. But he didn't want to include Cas in it. Hell, he didn't even want him there when he did it. Unfortunately, the angel was the only way Sam was getting to Hell and back safely.

….

Most of the emotions that passed through my head when I heard Sam was on his way I couldn't label.

I knew that I had given into the monster inside me, but I didn't care. Maybe I would've before, but not now.

Sam was on his way and he was most likely going to get killed.

Whether or not it was me who did it, I was unsure.

I could still feel it though; my humanity. It was like a bug bite at the very back of my brain. The more I scratched it, the more human I felt. But when I wasn't thinking about it, it didn't itch.

For the people who know me, I act first and think later. So the current mindset I was in now wasn't going to end well.

The constant beatings from Alastair and even my own fucking father weren't helping my humanity either.

Hell, once they had brought my dad in is when I had broken.

I _felt_ myself shatter.

It was like my humanity was a mirror and my dad had thrown a hammer at it.

The beatings weren't even that physical. Yeah, if you had been looking at my body you'd think I was fucking nuts. I was covered head to toe in blood along with angel blades sticking out every which way. But the real kicker is what it was doing to me mentally.

I wasn't stupid. I knew Sam was going to try to cure me. I also knew what my human side would be waking up to.

The grief and the self loathing that would follow me being cured was something to not look forward to.

I hoped Sam couldn't save me.

…

"Only if you are sure Sam." The angel tried one more time to try and get through the hunter's thick skull.

"I'm positive. I can't… I have to try." Sam looked desperate. So desperate, that Cas gave in.

Grabbing a hold of the youngest Winchester's shoulder they both disappeared to try and save a lost soul they loved dearly.

….

The only source of light in the dark hallway was the occasional torch placed randomly along the walls.

Castiel and Sam appeared at the end of a long hallway, the hunter immediately covering his noise with his arm to block the smell of burning flesh. Gagging slightly, the pair made their way down the hall, both armed with angel blades.

When they rounded a corner, Sam was greeted with a swift punch to his nose. Stumbling back, the hunter barely had time to react before the angel drove his blade up through the demon's jaw.

"Come on, we must keep moving." Cas warned, continuing down the hallway. Regaining his composure, Sam followed suit.

….

John paused mid-swing when Alastair placed his arm on his shoulder, stopping him.

"Listen." Alastair ordered. John and I both tried to tell what he was talking about when we suddenly heard muffled voices making their way down the hallway.

"Let's make ourselves obvious." John said, a smirk plastered on his face. With a hard punch to my jaw, he was expecting some sort of sound of pain to escape my lips. Having been through this for days, I was good at covering up how much I was hurting.

Scowling, Alastair brought up the angel blade to my chin, pressing slightly. "Now would be a good time for a scream." He said, a warning in his voice.

I made myself get up to my feet and put the most venom I possibly could in my next statement.

"Make me."

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to review. Let me know if you want Sam to be able to bring his brother back or not!**


	19. Chapter 19: Change Of Plans

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: Change Of Plans**

A blood curdling scream stopped Cas and I dead in our tracks.

_Dean._

I ran down the hallway trying to pinpoint where the sound had come from.

I was frantic. I barely even noticed Castiel grabbing my arm, trying to stop me. Ripping my arm away from him, I sprinted to the first door I could find, yanking on it.

Glancing in the room to find it empty, I went from door to door to try and find my brother. After the fourth door, I rammed my face against the locked door when I tried to open it.

Putting my shoulder into it, I attempted to knock it down. Not registering that the small click I heard was the door unlocking, I fell into the room on the floor when it was opened from the inside.

The last thing I saw was a bright flash of white light and Cas's pained scream.

The last thing I heard before a black boot kicked my head and knocked me unconscious were words that will haunt my nightmares.

"Sammy, good to see you."

….

I woke up to an emotionless Dean staring at me, tied to a metal chair. Fighting against the rope, a tall figure moved in my line of vision, blocking my brother from sight.

Glancing up, my breath caught.

"D-Dad?" I stammered.

"Sammy, you shouldn't of come." John said, smirking, eyes going black. He wiped his bloody hand off on his jeans.

"But-How-Why?" I couldn't even get out a complete sentence because 1) my dad was back and 2) he was a demon.

"Let's save all your questions for later. You probably won't be alive long enough for the answers to matter anyways." Taking a step towards me, my father backhanded me across the face and turned to look at Dean, looking for a response. When finding none, John scowled.

I tried to maneuver my body so that I could see my brother but my dad's wide form made it impossible.

"What do you want?" I said through clenched teeth. John scoffed and slowly moved to my side, resting a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't breathe once I saw the state Dean was in.

Both of his wrists were attached to chains that extended from the floor, his wrists worn raw. Every inch of my brother was covered in blood and there were angel blades protruding from almost every body part. Dean's face was badly bruised and he had a fresh shoulder wound that was still oozing blood. But what really took me by surprise was the fact that not a single emotion was on his face. That, and the fact that he was being fucking tortured.

What was Abaddon's end game? Torturing her only knight? Especially when Dean had been so helpful when he first turned?

_Maybe he was showing too much humanity. _I couldn't help the hope that Dean had been showing signs of _Dean _that started to form in my mind.

"Dean?" I tried, looking at my brother with pain evident in my eyes.

"Sammy." He said flatly before glancing up at John. "Is he really necessary?" Dean spat. His eyes had been a steady black since I had come to.

Our father shrugged as he took out Ruby's knife which he must've snatched from my duffel. "Think this will do anything?" He said, looking back and forth from Dean and me.

Dean scoffed, showing the first real emotion since our reunion. "No, I highly doubt it. I didn't work on Cain."

John considered this before he sunk it into Dean's abdomen. I let out a small cry, causing my brother to glare at me, obviously unharmed.

Scowling slightly, John left it in there as he pulled another knife from my duffel and turned towards me. "Let's see how well Dean likes you being the focus."

…

I don't remember when I passed out. What I do remember is the blinding pains and Dean's dull expression.

Everything dad did seemed to bore my brother. Finally getting tired of it, John hit the side of my head with the hilt of a knife, knocking me unconscious.

I woke up to people talking but kept my eyes closed, hoping to escape future pain.

"He's got nothing to do with this." Dean hissed. _Maybe he does care._

"Dean-o. He has everything to do with this. If he could be the key to causing that last shred of humanity inside of you to crumble, then he stays."

"He's not." My brother said through clenched teeth. "Just let him go. I'll do whatever it is Abaddon or Alastair or whoever, wants."

"That's not the fucking point. She wants you to _enjoy _it. Forcing you to do it isn't nearly as fun." I could hear the smirk in John's voice as he continued to talk to Dean.

"You really shouldn't have given me a break." The smugness in Dean's voice was evident. Slightly opening my eyes, they were opened just in time to see my brother yank the chains out of the floor. Quickly ripping Ruby's knife from his stomach, Dean sunk it into our father's heart.

….

**TBC**

**All these cliff hangers are probably killing you guys by now. Thanks so much for all the reviews and input! Please continue to leave suggestions/criticisms/what you want to read about/praises. They seriously make my day and motivate me to write.**


	20. Chapter 20: Lost Soul

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY: Broken Soul**

When asked what I planned for the future, killing my old man was not something I would've listed.

But, watching the life drain from his eyes was definitely something I'm glad I didn't miss.

While he was busy using Sam as a chew toy, I had looked down at the chains restraining me. Somehow, one of the sketch works had been crossed out, rendering the chains powerless, allowing me to regain my strength.

The look that crossed my father's face when I came at him with Ruby's knife, eyes black, was something I will never forget. It was one of complete and utter bewilderment.

The wave of satisfaction and justice that came over me was overwhelming. After all the years of pain he had caused me I was finally able to get back at him.

And then I looked at my baby brother, eyes switching back to green.

As I was standing there over my father's body, bloodied, knife still in hand, Sam looked at me with pity.

_Fucking pity._

Walking over to him, I cut off the ropes and took a good five steps away from him, making sure I was on the opposite side of the room.

A match of tug-o-war was going on in my head and I didn't know who was going to win, my humanity or the monster I had become.

When I looked down at my father is when I knew who was going to win.

Something twisted inside me and my eyes switched back to black as I turned my gaze on Sam.

They say that the eyes are a window to the soul.

Man, were they right.

"Dean?" Sam said hesitantly, a hopelessness lacing his words.

"Sammy, I'd like to thank you for being a great distraction. But, I have to cut this reunion short."

"Dean, wai-"I didn't get to hear the rest of what Sam would've said.

….

I was pacing back and forth in the motel room while my mind was in mid-battle with itself. I eyed Ruby's knife that I had thrown haphazardly on the bed as I walked.

_It would be so much easier if you just sunk that knife into Sam's heart. You already did it to your father's._

_Better yet, why don't you jam it into your heart? You're a waste of space anyways._

_Kill Sam._

_Sam._

_Sam._

_Sam._

I flung my fist into the mirror that was hanging on the wall, causing it to shatter and almost go through the wall.

I ran a hand through my hair while I watched blood drip down the fist that just cracked the mirror.

I couldn't kill Sam.

Or at least that's what one side of my brain told me.

I could, _should,_ kill Sam.

That's what the other half continued to tell me, over and over _and over_.

When I had made the decision to just leave Sam it was the human part of me trying to protect him. Now the monster side of me was pissed.

Clenching my fists I picked up Ruby's knife before I walked out the motel room door, slamming it shut.

I still had one person on my hit list to take care of.

…

"Sam, I'd like to apologize for not getting there sooner." Castiel said. They were both sitting in the bunker's kitchen, Sam just being rescued a mere hour ago.

The hunter waved his apology off. "You couldn't have done anything. Besides," He hesitated, debating to say it out loud or not. "It might be better this way."

Cas's forehead wrinkled in confusion and he tilted his head slightly. "I don't understand."

"He's too far gone Cas. All the people he's… and now our father?" Sam laughed coldly. "He won't even be able to stand on his own."

"We will help him through it. We always do."

"No, not something like this. This…" The youngest Winchester shook his head sadly. He knew his brother was long gone.

….

I had tracked Alastair down to a small city in Wisconsin, only god knows why he was there.

Before anything else happened, I _had _to at least do this one last act of revenge.

Alastair had torn my life apart (literally and figuratively) and he was going to pay for it, one way or another.

"Dean, I didn't expect to see you. Thought you'd be on some killing rampage by now." Alastair quipped once I appeared in front of him in an old diner. It was the middle of the night so thankfully no witnesses.

"I have unfinished business." I stated plainly. Taking out the First Blade, I twirled it in my hand.

"Where did you get that?" Alastair said, worry in his voice.

"You didn't hide it as well as you should have." Taking a step towards him, my eyes went black. I could feel my humanity slipping farther and farther away but I had to do this one last kill.

_One last kill._

"Shame that you had to kill my best minion. Your farther really was a piece of work." Alastair was stalling and they both knew it. He took a hesitant step back only for me to take two steps forward.

"Can't we be professionals about this?" I said. With a simple eye movement, Alastair was flung against a wall and stayed suspended a couple feet off the ground.

"I can't even begin to tell you how long I've been waiting for this." There was a touch of cruelty in my voice as I stood mere inches from Alastair. "Real pity I don't have longer to spend on you. Because trust me, I planned on your death being drawn out."

"Enough with the theatrics. If you're going to kill me, just do it." He spat.

"Well this is a change. Since when does _Alastair _of all people not like a little build-up?" I questioned, lifting the Blade right over his heart.

The demon just raised an eyebrow at me. Pulling my arm back, I felt how easily the Blade broke through Alastair's skin, sinking into his heart.

….

"Maybe we can summon him here?" Sam offered. Him and Castiel had been sitting around the long table in the main area of the bunker throwing around ideas to help Dean.

"Does that really sound like a good idea?" Cas asked, putting down the youngest Winchester's plan.

"It's our _only _idea." Standing up, Sam made his way to the library to try and find a summoning spell. The desperation could be heard in Sam's voice from miles away but he didn't care. He now finally understood his brother when he did stupid things to try and save him.

A few moments later, the angel walked into the room with a book in hand. "Sam, try this one." Pointing to a specific spell, the hunter took the book gratefully. Looking it over, the spell was a little more complicated than they were used to and would need extra time setting it up.

But it would all be worth it.

"Let's get started."

….

**TBC**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Please continue to read and review. I'm curious to know what you guys are thinking about the story and how it's developing. Also, if you haven't read my other story it's called 'The Future Awaits'. It also includes Alastair and takes place after the season nine finale but goes more with what could actually happen.**


	21. Chapter 21: Honesty

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE : Honesty**

After three hours, we finally had everything we needed for the summoning spell.

Now we just had to hope it would work.

Lighting the match, I tossed it into our bowl.

At first it was just a minor blow up, some smoke, and then nothing.

But then we heard him.

"What the fuck…" Dean said, disbelievingly.

"Dean?" Castiel said, staring at him wide-eyed. Cas and I didn't expect it to work and by the look on Dean's face, neither did he.

"You got to be _fucking _kidding me." My brother complained, obviously not pleased.

"You left in a hurry." I said, taking a step towards him. We were in the bunker's dungeon and Dean was in the middle of a devil's trap.

"You know this," He said gesturing at the devils trap, "doesn't do anything." He casually strolled out, crossing his arms. "I was in the middle of something important."

Looking down, I could see Dean was holding the First Blade with fresh blood dripping from it.

"Yeah, looks really important." I spat, looking with disgust at the Blade.

Dean's eyes turned black and his nostrils flared. "Last time I checked slicing through Alastair was important. Not that I need your approval."

I could see a series of different emotions playing across Dean's face. They ranged from sorrow, regret, anger, smugness, and many others I couldn't name.

_At least he was showing some emotion._

"So what is this, huh? You going to try and cure me? Haven't we already been around this circle Sammy?" He scoffed, shaking his head.

"Remember how it stopped working last time? We thought it was a tolerance to the stuff?" Cas asked, a smug grin crossing his face.

Dean just raised an eyebrow, waiting for the angel to continue.

"I think it was because it was working. I think you were borderline human until you got free." Castiel finished.

"So what? Are you going to cuff me again?" My brother glanced around the room. "I don't see any spare demon warded cuffs. The devils trap doesn't do shit. What exac-" He was cut off by the sound of a gunshot. "What the fuck…" Looking down at his chest, he dapped at where the bullet had gone in.

Lowering the gun, I smirked at Dean when he tried to lunge towards me, but couldn't.

"What did you fucking do?" He spat, glaring at me, eyes black.

"Insurance. I took a play from Crowley's playbook and carved a devils trap Cain tipped us off to in the bullet. Sorry Dean, guess you're stuck with us."

….

"I can't be hearing this right. You're telling me, that Dean Winchester escaped from our grasp yet again, John Winchester is dead, and Alastair as well?" Abaddon scoffed. "You really didn't want your Christmas bonus." Standing up, she stabbed the lower-class demon through the throat with an angel blade.

"Fine Sammy. You want to play tug-o-war? We'll play tug-o-war."

….

"So let me get this straight, you're bringing me out in the open because why?" Dean asked, sitting down at the kitchen table in the bunker.

"Well, we were hoping that being around things that you're human half knew will trigger something." I was making a fresh pot of coffee, my back to Dean who was firmly stuck in his spot by the bullet still lodged in his chest.

"Yeah, great memories at this table. Remember when you told me you'd let me die? Good times." Dean quipped. I knew he was just trying to find my weak point, but this time I wouldn't be sloppy enough to let him.

"That's not… That's not what I meant." I said, trying to keep my voice level.

"And what did you mean exactly then Sammy? I'm dying to know. Because that was certainly what it sounded like. _'No Dean, I wouldn't'_. I can't tell you how many times I replayed that in my head, how many times it was in my nightmares." Dean said through clenched teeth.

"I'm not explaining myself to you. Not… now you anyways. Ask me again when you have your humanity back." I hissed, turning to face him.

_So much for being professional about all this._

"Who says I want it back?" My brother said, his voice getting low and serious.

"What?" I had to ask, I almost didn't hear what he said and I had to be sure I heard it right.

"I don't want to be human again Sammy. Not after all I've done. You gotta know it'll kill me. All the guilt, the self-pity, I'll be downright suicidal." I could tell something was changing inside of Dean. We had already injected him three times by this point but they didn't think it had started doing anything.

Of course Dean was right.

Of course I knew he was right.

Of course I knew the risks.

But I couldn't let him live like this.

"I know the consequences Dean to getting your humanity back, but I think we can-" I started.

"If you say work through it, I swear I will kill you. There is no working through it. You really would do that to me Sam? Really?" He said, looking at me as if _I _was the monster.

"What about when you made the decision to put my soul back into my body? You knew the risks Dean. I could've died, hell I almost did, but you still stuck it back inside of me."

I knew it was a low blow to bring up almost five years ago. But he had to know it was the same thing.

Dean laughed bitterly. "Good argument Sam. If you haven't noticed, things are different now!" He yelled, obviously pissed he couldn't just get up and walk away.

But I could.

I didn't say another word to my brother. Instead, I sent Cas in to watch him as I made my way my bedroom for a well deserved nap.

….

**TBC**

**I apologize that this chapter wasn't very actiony. But don't worry, next chapter will be. I'm planning on doing a reverse crypt scene. But if it'll be Sam or Castiel, I'm not sure. Let me know who you would rather it be with. I'm leaning towards Sam but we'll see. Thanks for all the great feedback!**


	22. Chapter 22: Twisted Little Soul

**This chapter is in Castiel's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: Twisted Little Soul**

"Cas, you're up." Sam walked over to me while I was sitting in the library, trying to wrap my head around this whole situation with Dean.

I nodded briefly as I stood up, making my way towards the kitchen.

Hesitating a few feet from the door, I had to force myself to go in there.

My best friend was rotting inside of himself.

He was locked inside his own mind and had no way of getting out.

There's no lock picks in your mind.

Sighing, I walked in. Dean was sitting at the kitchen table, arms crossed, with a pissed off expression on his face.

"You want to know something?" He said, a dangerous glint in his eyes telling me he was up to no good.

"Since you are going to tell me anyways, sure." I sat down at the table across from him, keeping my hands in my lap.

"I have daydreams. But not your normal daydreams, oh no, these are more like day-nightmares." Dean stopped for dramatic effect and watched my face intently for any reactions. "See, I'll have flashbacks from when I was slaughtering those towns, or being beaten by my father, or even the past week. And you want to know why?" He paused again, raising an eyebrow, daring me to try and come up with a guess.

"No, Dean. Why?" I said, wiping a hand down my face. I don't remember where I learned this motion from, but I had been doing it a lot lately.

"Because of the angel blood. I'll admit it makes me feel human, but only for little bit. That's when I have the day terrors." Dean laid his hands on the table, folding them together and leaned closer to me.

"But right now, I'd love nothing more than to wedge that angel blade up your ass." He smirked when he saw the look of defeat flash in my eyes.

"This isn't you talking Dean." I said shakily.

"Isn't it though? Maybe I just finally grew some balls. This is who I've been destined to be since I first went to Hell. I'm just surprised it didn't happen sooner." Dean quipped.

Seeing that talking to him wasn't doing anything, I followed my instincts.

I hugged Dean.

I moved over to the other end of the table, hauled him out of his seat, and hugged him, hard.

At first Dean just stood there, arms hanging at his sides. But after what felt like hours, he finally put one arm around me.

Baby steps, baby steps.

Pulling away, I looked Dean in the eyes. "Dean Winchester, I will save you. And if you're in there, I'm so sorry."

With that, I walked out, feeling emotionally and mentally drained.

Besides, I had to go check on things in Heaven.

….

Thinking back on it, leaving Dean alone probably wasn't my best idea. Especially with what happened next.

I had only been gone for five minutes, but when I returned, it was to Dean standing in the middle of the kitchen, a different spot from where I left him.

"How did you…" I trailed off as I saw the bullet sitting on the kitchen table along with a knife. Stupidly, Sam and I had forgotten to check Dean for pocket knives and such.

"Hiya there Cas." A wicked smile crossed Dean's face as he flung me against the wall. Looking down, I could see blood dripping from the demon's hand.

"Dean, what did you do?" He went over to one of the cabinets and opened it to reveal the angel banishing sigil. "Don't do this." I pleaded.

"Sorry Cas, I gotta do what's best for me." With that, he placed his hand on the sigil, sending me away in a bright light.

….

Things were eerily quiet around the bunker which was a huge warning sign to Sam. He was in the library and hadn't heard a sound since Cas had gone in to babysit Dean.

Standing up from his comfy chair, the youngest Winchester began quietly making his way down the hall.

He first checked the kitchen which came up empty. Right before he turned to leave, he saw the bullet on the table.

Walking in, he looked around to see a cabinet door open and a sigil painted on it with fresh blood.

"Dammit Dean, can't you behave for like two seconds?" Sam said, running a hand through his hair.

Thinking back to where he had put the First Blade, Sam started making his way down to the dungeon.

As he walked down the hallways the hunter could see a trail of blood droplets that Dean had been too careless to either notice or care about.

As he made his way closer to the dungeon, Sam saw that the door was wide open.

The hunter jumped when he heard a large crash which caused him to walk a little faster.

Walking in, Sam laughed at what he saw.

Dean was on his tiptoes trying to reach the Blade which Sam had put on the tallest shelf, in the very back.

Turning to glare at me, Dean's eyes went black.

"Sammy, it is good to see you."

Sam hadn't seen this look on Dean's face since right after he turned.

The bloodlust and hatred was coming off of him in waves as he stared the youngest Winchester down.

"Dean, don't do something you'll regret."

But Dean wasn't listening.

Tackling Sam to the floor, the Knight of Hell punched his little brother across the jaw.

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews.**


	23. Chapter 23: Miracles

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Miracles**

I don't even remember getting on top of Sam. I just remember talking to him about not wanting to be human.

Then all of a sudden I was punching Sam, _hard._ I couldn't make myself.

I didn't _want_ to stop.

It felt good. It felt _really _good.

It was like I had all this hatred and sorrow built up inside me and I was finally able to let it out.

Punch after punch kept coming. I had a firm grip on my brother's collar as I began to beat him to a pulp. By this point Sam's nose was broken and he had a bloodied lip.

"Dean… s-stop." Sam pleaded.

But I couldn't hear him.

"Dean, I need you. Who else is going to risk their ass to save me?"

"We keep each other human man. And I know I," He had to stop because I had to punch him in the face. "I know I haven't been much of a brother to you and I did a shitty job at keeping you human but-"

I hauled him up so he was on his knees. Letting go of his shirt, I kicked him in his ribs, sending him falling to the floor on his side.

"But we need to fix things. Things can't end like this." Tears were streaming down my brother's face as I continued to kick him in the stomach, wanting to cause as much damage as I could.

I heard a loud crack. Most likely two or three ribs.

Another kick.

I grabbed him by his shirt.

"You say you need me now Sam? After all those years when _I _needed you? All those times you ran away? After 'no Dean, I wouldn't'? After everything, _now_ you need me? For fuck's sake Sam. I guess you finally know how I felt every single time you died or left me. Better late than never right?" I scoffed as I let him fall to the floor.

I had my arm raised, ready for another hit.

But then I stopped.

There was something around Sam's neck that caught my attention.

Blinking my eyes back to green, I paused before asking. "What, what is that?" I said, pointing to his neck.

Sam let out a pained laugh as he grabbed the string around his neck and slowly took it off, laying it on the floor between us.

Hesitating, I crouched down and picked it up.

My breath caught.

It was the same necklace Sam had given me when we were kids.

The same necklace I had thrown away, what? Five years ago?

"How…?" I asked, all my anger flooding out of me.

"I figured-"Sam stopped to cough, clutching at his side. He was barely hanging on.

"I thought you might want it someday. It's been in my pocket for-" More coughing, this time it was blood he was coughing up.

"Five years. I think."

I rubbed my thumb across the amulet before I dropped it back on the floor.

Something inside me snapped. It was like the hold the demon side had over me just gave up.

Turning my back on Sam, I ran both my hands through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut.

Had I really almost killed my brother?

Am I really that far gone?

All of a sudden everything I had done in the past few months hit me like a ton of bricks.

I could feel every women's body sag in my arms.

I could feel every child's tears on my hands as they watched their families die in front of them, knowing they were next.

I could feel all the lives I had shed.

I looked down at my hands and could see them slicked with blood.

I felt every single kill.

Worst of all, I could see the life leaving my father's eyes.

"I'm so sorry Sammy. I can't do this."

"Dean, don't- Don't leave. Please, I need you." Sam's voice broke as he talked, tears still running down his face.

I couldn't make myself turn and face him.

This time it was me who was fighting back tears. Finally, I turned to face him.

I took in the shape my brother was in.

It nearly killed me.

I knew I had to make things right. I had to protect Sammy.

Even if it was from myself.

"I'm going to make it all right Sammy. I'm going to do what's best for you." My voice broke too many times to count.

Finding the Blade, I held out my hand as it flung into it.

With that, I disappeared.

….

To be honest, I had no idea where I was.

I just knew it was some old motel room. I was sitting on the bed, getting ready to pray.

I needed to tell Cas to go save Sam.

So I got right down to it.

It had only been a minute after I finished that the angel appeared in front of me, squinting at me suspiciously.

"I know you have no reason to believe me, but you need to go back to the bunker and save Sam. He's dying, Cas." My voice wavered as I tried to get him to understand I was being serious.

"Why should I believe you?" Castiel asked, looking like he was about to tackle me.

"Like I said, you have no reason to. But… you have to trust me."

"Trust you?" The angel said incredulously, causing me to wince.

"Just please, go check."

Without another word, Cas disappeared.

…...

**TBC**

**But Lindsay, you just posted a chapter literally 30 minutes ago. Yeah, I know. But I was too excited to post this. So lucky you guys, two updates almost at once! Please leave reviews. I want to know if you liked it or not.**


	24. Chapter 24: Hanging By A Thread

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Hanging By A Thread**

You never know real pain until you have the living shit beat out of you by someone you care about.

As I watched my big brother ram his fists into me, it felt like my world was crashing down.

He was supposed to protect me.

He kept me safe all those years just for it to all come crashing down in a matter a minutes.

But it wasn't Dean, not really. He had a feral look in his eyes and when he saw the necklace a look of realization came across his face.

Now, I was on the ground, bleeding, barely hanging out.

Have you ever heard the sound of your own bones cracking?

I have. I counted at least three loud snaps. The rest I might not have been able to hear over the blood rushing to my ears.

My breathing came in labored breathes as I tried to stay conscious.

"What, what is that?" Dean said as he pointed at the familiar feel of the necklace around my neck.

I let out a pained laugh as I barely mustered up the strength to take it off, setting it on the ground between us.

I could see the internal struggle that was going through my brother's head in his eyes. After what seemed like forever, he crouched down and picked it up.

I remember the day I gave him that necklace. It was supposed to be for my dad but looking back now, I'm glad it was Dean who wore it around his neck for years.

"How…?" I could see the change in Dean. It was like the fog the demon side of him had put up finally cleared.

"I figured-"I stopped to cough, clutching at my side. My vision was getting fuzzy as I tried to speak.

"I thought you might want it someday. It's been in my pocket for-" More coughing, this time it was blood I was coughing up.

"Five years. I think."

I saw Dean consider something before he dropped it back on the floor.

All of a sudden he turned his back on me. I could see how tense his shoulders were and when he spoke next I could hear the anguish in his voice.

"I'm so sorry Sammy. I can't do this."

"Dean, don't- Don't leave. Please, I need you." My voice broke as he talked, tears running down his face. A shroud of black was creeping up on the corners of my field of vision. I knew I didn't have much longer.

Finally, he turned to face him.

"I'm going to make it all right Sammy. I'm going to do what's best for you." His voice broke too many times to count.

Finding the Blade, Dean held out his hand as it flew into it.

With that, Dean disappeared.

I thought that was going to be the last time I saw him.

I had so many regrets. We had wasted so much time fighting, especially these last couple months.

But I couldn't save him and in the end, that's all that mattered.

….

"SAM." I could hear Castiel yelling but I couldn't make myself respond.

"Dammit Sam, where are you?" I heard the heavy sound of footsteps running down the hallway.

I heard the door fly open and I felt Cas shake my shoulders.

In an instant, all that pain Dean just put me through was gone.

Opening my eyes, I saw Cas slowly move his fingers away from my forehead.

"Sam? Are you okay?" He asked, worry in his voice.

"Yeah, I am now. Cas, how did you know to come?" I questioned. The angel said he had to be back up in Heaven for a little while so I wasn't expecting a rescue.

I had accepted death.

"Dean-" He started.

"Wait, Dean?" I asked, bewildered.

"Let me finish. Dean he- he prayed to me and told me that you were dying. He told me to come save you Sam." Castiel had his eyebrow furrowed as if he was still trying to understand it.

I nodded sadly.

"Sam, what happened?" The angel was waiting for an answer as I hauled myself up from the floor.

"Um, basically he beat the shit out of me, I showed him the necklace, he stopped, said he needed to protect me, and left."

"Wait, necklace?" Cas asked, looking confused.

"Yeah you know, the one you used to try and find God. Dean threw it away after you gave it back to him but I kept it." I shrugged casually, picking it up from the floor.

"You had it the whole time and just now decided to use it?" Castiel seemed pissed, as if I had to secret weapon the whole time.

"I tried to use it Cas. But then you whipped out the demon cuffs, I got tied to a chair, hadn't really had the chance."

"So is Dean cured? He's human?" The amount of hope that rested in that one statement was almost unbearable.

"No, I don't think so. He was still able to get the blade to come directly to his hand." I ran a tired hand down my face as I thought out loud. "But, at least he doesn't want to kill us or anyone anymore, right?"

Cas looked defeated. Here we were again, so close yet so far.

They still had a long way to go on helping Dean, but at least they'd do it together.

…...

**TBC**

**Thank you so much for the great feedback on the last chapter! I don't know how much longer this story will be but let me know if it's getting drawn out. Thanks for reading!**


	25. Chapter 25: Choices

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: Choices**

The surface of the porcelain tub was cool against my bare back. I had my knees drawn up to my chest and was resting my head on my arms. I barely remembered getting to this position. I recalled having a nightmare in the middle of the night and coming into the bathroom, but that was it.

Having nightmares should be a good sign right? Should show a sign of humanity?

That was great and all, but the nightmares sucked.

They ranged from the massacres of the two towns, from killing my father, and for almost killing Sam.

Reliving those moments over and over again are what my nights consisted of.

I wasn't stupid, I knew Sam and Cas would try to find some way to cure me. But this time, I wouldn't let them.

It was in everybody's best interest if I stayed away.

I was jerked from my internal monologue when I heard a thud outside the motel bathroom door.

Getting up quietly, I peeked out the slightly ajar door.

There were three demons talking in the center of my room along with another demon I couldn't quite see. The only part I could see was two skinny legs that were hung over the bed.

I went to slowly close the door when one of them must have heard me and looked directly at the bathroom.

Slamming the door shut, I backed as far into the cramped space as I could.

"No fucking windows, great." I whispered. My mind was racing to try and form an escape plan.

I jumped when the door was kicked open and Abaddon strolled in.

….

"Hannah good to see you." The youngest Winchester said. He was sitting in the bunker's library researching things on Knights of Hell for the umpteenth time.

"You as well. Castiel sends his regards, he's busy searching the earth for Dean but it is obvious he does not want to be found." She said sadly.

"He said something about wanting to do what's best for me. I guess in his eyes it was to get as far away as possible." The hunter ran a tired hand through his hair and sighed. "You know, I want to believe in him. Really, I do. I'm just afraid something's going to happen and he's going to lose sight of his human self again."

Hannah walked over to Sam and placed an awkward hand on his shoulder. "Have faith Sam. Your brother will make the right decisions."

"I hope to God you're right." The hunter said, smiling up at the angel.

Hannah laughed slightly at the 'God' reference as she patted his shoulder and disappeared.

….

I was set firmly down on the bed and was being held there by two of the demons while the other sat idly by, angel blade in hand.

"What do you want?" I spat, glaring at the Queen.

Walking over to me, Abaddon grabbed my face with one hand, squishing my cheeks together. "Dean, what have they done to you?" I jerked my head away causing her to frown slightly.

"It's a shame that you have to live with all that guilt now that your humanity is rearing its ugly head." She shook her head, frowning. "I mean, all those people you murdered in those two towns? Your father? And now your brother? That's a hell of a track record." She laughed coldly as she crossed her arms.

"Maybe you should check your facts. I didn't kill Sam." I said, a smugness in my tone.

"Oh, you don't know?"

My heart raced as I took in her words. Trying to stay calm, I hesitated before asking. "What do you mean?"

"Your little angel friend didn't make it to Sam in time. You killed your brother Dean-o. Good going."Abaddon smirked as she saw the shock play across my face.

I shook my head, disbelieving. "No, Cas left the second I told him! There's no way…" I trailed off. _Had I really hurt Sam that bad?_

"Denial is not a good color on you Dean." The Queen remarked, obviously enjoying playing with me.

"What do you want?" I hissed, hoping maybe she'll answer me this time. I could tell my eyes had switched to black which wasn't a good sign.

"I want you to come back Dean. And don't worry; I'll welcome you with open arms, even after you killed my two best demons." She added, a cruel grin creeping across her face.

"You'll have to sweeten the deal sweetheart. I don't just sign on with evil bitches." I quipped.

"It's not like you have anything left to live for. I'll give you a purpose in life. You obviously don't have one now since you went and got your family killed." Abaddon was purposely trying to play at my weak points and sadly, it was working.

"And if I don't come back?" I asked casually.

"Then we'll kill your little angel friend. Come on, Dean. You have one last person in your life you care about. Really want to risk Castiel's life?" She leaned down so she could whisper in my ear. "And trust me, Alastair didn't have _nearly_ as much imagination as I do. You'll join me Dean, one way or another."

With that, Abaddon and her minions disappeared, leaving me to grieve on my own.

_Sam was dead because of me._

_I had one job, and I screwed it up._

Grabbing the lamp next to my bed, I hurled it across the room and watched it shatter into a million pieces.

I was honestly considering signing up with the bitch. I couldn't let her kill Cas. He was the only family I had left and if I was responsible for his death? Well my death would soon follow. I don't think I could handle anymore guilt.

I quickly grabbed my duffel, slung it over my shoulder, and disappeared, leaving the motel room behind.

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to leave reviews. And no, Sam is not really dead, Abaddon is just a manipulative bitch.**


	26. Chapter 26: What To Do

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

When I consider all of our options, only a few possibilities came to mind.

1) We could summon Dean again.

2) We could just let him do his own thing. This idea I was barely considering. I didn't have enough faith in my brother to believe that he wouldn't crack again.

3) We could try to track him down and go to him. This idea basically was a no seeming as though we had been looking for days and not a sign of him has been found.

So when it came down to it, number one was our best way to continue.

"No, absolutely not." Cas apparently didn't agree with me.

"Come on, man. It's our best shot." I pleaded.

"How do you know he won't try to kill you again Sam? How can you trust him?" The angel asked incredulously.

"How can you not? He didn't kill me alright. Hell, he even had you come and save me. I know my brother, he wouldn't kill me. After all we've been through; I think Dean deserves our trust. God knows he's trusted me enough times when I didn't deserve it." I couldn't believe how insensible Cas was being. It was like Dean had never meant anything to him.

"He hasn't shown us that he can be trusted. All he's done is lie, deceive, and almost kill you." He shook his head sadly. "I won't allow it."

"You won't allow it?" I scoffed. "Cas, last time I checked, you don't control me."

I was answered with a hard punch to my jaw.

…

Dean was sitting on a bench at one of the playgrounds that belonged to a town he had destroyed. He wasn't sure why he had come here but he hoped Abaddon would find him here.

The eldest Winchester was hoping that she'd kill him. Or at least try too.

After all the years Dean had spent trying to protect Sam, he couldn't live with the feeling of failure that overwhelmed him.

"I knew you'd come." The hunter said, not even needing to glance over his shoulder to know Abaddon had showed up.

"Have I gotten that predictable?" She slowly made her way to sit next to Dean on the bench, crossing her legs. "Have you thought about my offer?" The Queen eyed Dean suspiciously, not trusting the Winchester to come quietly.

"Yeah, I've thought about it. And no, I won't help you." Dean went to get up when he was forced back down on the bench by strong hands. Throwing a glance over his shoulder, he saw one of the demons who had come with Abaddon before.

"Dean, I really thought you were going to be smart about this. Does Castiel really mean that little to you? I always thought you two had a special… bond." She quipped.

"Cas can take care of himself." The Knight said, shrugging casually underneath the demon's harsh grip.

Abaddon laughed coldly. "If you think you'll be getting out of this that easy then-" Before she knew what was happening, Dean pulled the First Blade from inside his jacket and stabbed it over his head into the demon's chest. Standing up, the eldest Winchester held a defensive position, waiting for the queen's next move.

Abaddon nodded at Dean, appreciatively. "Not bad. But do you really think you can kill me? I have centuries of experience on you Dean."

The Knight lifted an eyebrow at the Queen, daring her to make a move.

"I'll be back for you, lover. Don't think I've given up just yet." With a wink, Abaddon disappeared.

Dean stared down at the First Blade as his hand shook violently.

The longer he held it the more difficult it was for him to put it down.

He watched the fresh blood drip off of the Blade with a look of longing. A small part of him missed the days when he could slice through anyone he pleased without feeling any remorse.

…

I awoke handcuffed to my bed post. Yanking on it to test its strength, I scowled at Castiel's precautions.

"I had to, Sam." The angel argued, looking at me with pity from just inside the door.

"And I _have _to summon Dean. I guess we'll see who wins this one." I glared at Cas as I dug in my pocket for my lock pick. Finding it, I smirked and picked the lock.

Standing up, I rubbed at my wrist as the angel frowned at me.

"Sam, I advise against it." Cas tried to reason.

"And I advise you shove your opinion up your ass. Now, you can either help me, or get out of my way." Pushing past him, I started making my way down to the dungeon to do the summoning ritual.

….

Once I finally got all the materials ready, Cas insisted that I had bullets carved with devil's traps loaded in my gun before I summoned him.

"You're like an over-protective parent." I said, shaking my head as I looked around for the box of matches.

Seeing them out of the corner of my eye, I walked over to where they must've fallen when Dean tackled me to the floor. Looking closely, there were blood stains throughout the room, most likely from both Dean and I.

Cringing at the memory, I lit the match and tossed it in the bowl.

"Dammit Cas, why can't you just fucking leave it alone?" Dean spat, looking pissed.

"Good to see you too, Dean."

My brother spun around facing me, an obvious look of shock all over his face.

"Sammy?"

…

**TBC**

**Reviews are always appreciated.**

**Regarding the next chapter as well as ones that follow, I want you as the readers to make a decision. Do you want Dean to either a) Kill Abaddon b) Join forces with Abaddon c) Go total dark side or d) be cured?**

**Let me know because I won't start writing the next chapter till I get some feedback(;**


	27. Chapter 27: You Can Smell TheDesperation

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN: You Can Smell The Desperation**

"Sammy?"

The look of utter shock and disbelief that was on my face could've been seen a mile away.

"Yeah?" Sam asked as if I had lost my mind. "You look like you've seen a ghost." His brows furrowed with worry.

"I-Um. Abaddon told me you were dead, that I killed you." I stuttered, swallowing the bile that had formed in my mouth. I moved backwards, trying to put distance between Sam and I when my back hit a wall. Turning around, I was still in the middle of the room. I looked down to see a modified devils trap.

"Sorry, Cas made me take extra precautions. Cain taught him it." Sam smiled apologetically. "But no, he" My brother gestured towards the angel. "Saved me in time, thanks to you." He smiled warmly. A smile I didn't deserve.

"I wouldn't have had to save you if _he_ hadn't almost killed you." Cas muttered but it was still said loud enough that I could hear him.

"Cas." Sam warned.

"No he's right Sam. It's not safe to be around you. Either of you." I avoided eye contact with Castiel. For some reason he seemed less forgiving then Sam did.

"Great idea. I'm sorry Dean, but you can't be trusted. Sam shouldn't have been stupid enough to allow you near him in the first place." The angel stated with no emotion in his voice.

I laughed coldly. "Kinda like how you didn't deserve my trust when you were butt buddies with Crowley? Remember, the whole leviathan thing? Last time I checked, _I _was the one who stood by you Cas, even when all the signs pointed not to. Good to see you'd do the same for me."

"Dean I-" He started.

"Save it Cas. I don't want to hear you try and defend yourself." Sending one last glare towards him, I turned to my brother. "Sam, I'm sorry but you can't be around me. I'm not- It's not safe."

As if Sam just now noticed, he looked down at the First Blade in my hand that was still dripping Fresh Blood.

"Whose blood is that Dean?" Sam asked, sounding like a disappointed parent.

I somehow made myself drop the blade and held up my hands, showing I meant no harm. "Don't worry; it's just one of Abaddon's demons. She threatened to kill Cas if I didn't sign on with her. I still told her no." I said, glancing at Cas.

Sam nodded. "I'm glad you made the right choice."

"I told her no before. Now, I'm not sure what I'm going to do." My thoughts were racing. I could hear my father's words clear as a bell.

_Protect Sammy._

Those words had been drilled in my head for so long I started thinking of the best way to do just that automatically.

"Dean, don't do something stupid. The best thing to do is stay here with us." Sam pleaded. He took a step towards me only to have Cas grab the back of his collar and yank him back.

"Sam-" The angel growled.

"Fuck off Cas." My brother said, pushing him away and walking right up to the edge of the circle.

"I have to protect you Sammy. The best way to do that is to be Abaddon's bitch for a little longer so I can kill her." My voice started to rise and I could feel the anger boiling inside me. My eyes flashed black for a second before turning back to green.

"Sam, we need to leave." Castiel grabbed a hold of Sam's arm and they were gone in an instant.

"Fucking dammit!" I yelled, banging my fists against the invisible wall. I never felt so helpless. I was stuck inside this circle until someone let me out, which didn't look like was going to happen anytime soon.

I could feel my frustration level rising and I knew the second my eyes switched to black.

_Get a hold of yourself._

My pushed my fists against my temples as I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to alleviate the pounding in my head.

Shutting my eyes wasn't a good idea because the second I did, images of different people I killed flashed across the darkness. I opened my eyes when I felt something wet drip from my hand.

I looked at my hand in disbelief as I saw both my hands were slick with blood.

_No no no._

_This can't be happening._

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make my eyes switch back to green. My anger level was too high.

I sunk down the invisible wall, sitting with my knees up against my chest and my back resting on the wall.

I glanced over at the First Blade that was lying on the ground next to me.

_You could always sink the Blade into your own heart. That'd solve everybody's problems._

I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the thought.

"Hello lover."

My head snapped up as I saw Abaddon stroll into the room.

"How the fuck do you keep getting in here?" I said through clenched teeth, not bothering to get to my feet.

"Ever since you summoned me here I was able to get the location of this dump. Now I've got a season pass." She winked at me as she pulled up the chair that was near the wall, sitting backwards in it.

"The answer's yes." I whispered feeling defeated.

"Yes?" She said, obviously wanting to hear me say it.

"Sign me up."

….

**TBC**

**Now I know what you all voted, and it will happen! I'm just taking a slight detour before A and D takes place. So don't worry. Thanks for all the great feedback and I hope you all get what you want out of the story. Please continue to read and review!**


	28. Chapter 28: A Spell In The Wrong Hands

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: A Spell In The Wrong Hands**

"Why are you being such a dick?" I said, not trying to hide the anger in my voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Cas said. He had teleported us up to the bunker's kitchen.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. It's like you want him to leave! To go back to being a ruthless murderer! What the fuck is the matter with you?" I demanded an answer. There was no excuse for how Castiel was acting. He was driving Dean away and I wouldn't allow that.

"I'm just thinking rationally Sam. He can't be trusted. He's strayed away too many times." Cas argued.

I scoffed. "Oh and you haven't? How many times have you fucked up and we were there for you?" I knew it was a cruel thing to say but at the moment, I didn't give a shit.

The angel just shook his head. "Just give it time Sam. You'll see that I was right."

"Or I'll see my brother going dark side because of you." I spat. Turning away from him, I made my way to my bedroom. Dean wasn't going anywhere and I hadn't slept in days.

….

"I knew you'd come around." Abaddon stood up from the chair, smirking.

Taking out an angel blade, she made her way over to the devils trap and scratched some of the paint off, releasing the hunter.

Getting to his feet, Dean picked up the First Blade and held it tightly.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to hold on to that." The Queen said, obviously not giving the eldest Winchester a choice about the situation.

Every instinct inside Dean screamed at him not to give the bitch the blade, but he had to gain her trust.

Reluctantly, the Knight handed it over.

"Perfect. Shall we go?" Looping her arm through Dean's, the dangerous duo disappeared.

….

"I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so." Cas said, shaking me awake.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

"Dean's gone along with the First Blade." Castiel said, crossing his arms.

"No, there's no way." I jumped out of bed and practically ran down to the dungeon, not wanting to believe the angel.

My heart dropped as I opened the door and took in the empty room.

_Dammit Dean._

"See?" Cas questioned, standing next to me.

"No, this wasn't him escaping. This was him protecting me." I laughed coldly. "Abaddon must've taken him. He said yes." I shook my head and wiped a tired hand down my face.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Sam." The ignorance in the angel's voice made me snap.

I shoved Cas against the wall, my hands gripping his trench coat firmly.

"I've known my brother his whole life. I know him better than you ever will. Now, if you know what's good for you, you'd get out of my sight." With one last shove, I let go of Castiel.

I didn't even give him a chance to respond before I turned my back on Cas and left the room.

….

Dean and Abaddon were back in Hell, sitting in Crowley's old office.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked worriedly as he saw the Queen cut open her palm and bleed into a bowl.

Abaddon raised an eyebrow at her Knight. "Come here."

Obliging, Dean made his way over and stood right next to her.

Before he had time to respond, Abaddon grabbed his palm and made a deep cut across his palm and held Dean's hand over the bowl, adding his own blood.

"What the fuck?" Yanking his hand away, the eldest Winchester put pressure on his wound.

"Remember when you and your other musketeers bound death?" Abaddon asked, ignoring the hunter's question.

"Yeah?" Dean said, thinking the Queen had gone nuts.

Abaddon looked up at him mischievously as she began reciting an incantation.

Dean backed away, sensing that nothing good would come out of this.

All of a sudden Dean was brought to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut, as a sharp pain formed at his wrists. Opening his eyes, he saw a gold light outline what looked like cuffs, linking his wrists.

"What the fuck did you do?" Dean spat.

Abaddon kneeled down in front of the eldest Winchester, resting a hand on his cheek. "Consider yourself my new bitch."

….

I knew it was a tired move, but I had to summon Dean again. I had to try and get him back before he did something stupid.

After I resealed the devil's trap, I went through the same routine as normal.

The difference was he didn't show up.

"No, it should've worked." I looked desperately around the room, looking for my brother.

"That is not a good sign." Cas said, worry in his voice.

I scoffed. "Like you care."

Castiel walked up to me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "I still care for him Sam."

I shoved his hand away and went to light another match. Dropping it in the bowl, I held my breath as I waited.

Sighing, Cas said what we were both thinking. "Something is terribly wrong."

….

**TBC**

**That plot twist though. Please don't hate me. I promise you will get a dead Abaddon and a cured Dean. All in good time. I had to mess with your hearts a little before I gave you some good news. But, at least you got two updates super close together. Let me know what you think of the whole binding thing.**


	29. Chapter 29: What Could Possibly Go Wrong

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?**

"Consider yourself my new bitch"

I realized just how fucked I was about two seconds after Abaddon finished her sentence. Shoving her away from me, I stood up pressing my fists against my temples.

"No, there's no fucking way."

"Hold on lover, it's going to be a long ride." The Queen was practically purring as she sat on the desk, legs crossed.

Seeing as though I was fucked either way, I decided to try and use sarcasm and bad jokes to try and prove my loyalty to the bitch. I figured the more she trusted me the closer I would be to getting the First Blade.

"Someone has some trust issues." I said with a sly grin.

Abaddon rolled her eyes. "Come on, we've got work to do."

…

"Is he able to resist the summoning?" Sam said, trying to find some logical reason why Dean hadn't shown up.

"No, which is why I suggest we find him. Nothing good could've stopped him from appearing." Cas said sadly. If Sam looked close enough, he could see signs of regret and guilt in the angel's eyes.

"We'll find him man." The hunter said, patting Castiel's shoulders reassuringly.

"How are you so calm?" The angel asked, his forehead creasing with curiosity.

"I snapped at you yesterday. Now I've got a clear head." With a small smile, Sam turned and walked out of the dungeon and up to the library with Cas trailing slightly behind.

"What's your plan Sam?" He asked.

"Well, I was going to figure out how he resisted the summoning spell. Once I found that out, I was going to work from there." Sam walked over to the endless book shelves and started reading titles.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to check on heaven for a little bit." Cas said hesitantly, not wanting to get yelled at.

"Oh yeah no worries. This is more my thing anyways." The hunter continued looking through the books before he picked one up. Holding it up so the angel could see, he walked over and sat down to start reading.

….

"Hannah it's good to see you." Castiel was standing in Metatron's old office staring at his second in command.

She nodded tightly and kept a sour look on her face with her arms crossed.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked with worry in his voice.

"Dean Winchester is out of control." She said flatly.

"Hannah I know he massacred those two towns but-" He started.

"_Two _towns?" Hannah said incredulously. "Have you really not heard?"

Cas could feel a huge lump in his throat and his heart ached. "What do you mean?"

She laughed coldly. "He's up to four. He needs to be stopped."

"We are handling it." The angel said, trying to make Hannah understand.

"You're doing a great job." Her words were laced with sarcasm. "If another town is killed Castiel… we will take matters into our own hands."

With that, she left Cas to wallow in his own misery.

….

"Cas you won't believe what I found."

"Sam hold on a second-" The angel started.

"I know why Dean didn't show. Here, look." Sam pointed to a specific passage in a huge dusty book he had been leafing through.

Cas scanned over the words but when he saw the word 'binding' he stopped. "What does this mean?"

"It means," Sam started, taking the book back. "that the only way Dean could've ignored our summoning, is if someone ordered him too." The youngest Winchester said.

"Didn't you try to bind Death at one point?" The angel questioned.

"Yeah, and I think Abaddon bound Dean to her."

"That can't be good."

Sam ran a shaky hand through his hair. He was so worried for his brother now that he knew how much trouble he really was in. "That's an understatement."

"This all makes sense now." Cas said as if he had a moment of clarity.

"Yeah I know." The hunter said, wondering why Cas felt the need to say that.

"No Sam…. It's Dean. The angels, they want to kill your brother."

"What? Why now? Why not a month ago?" Sam asked with his voice increasing in volume.

"Because he's murdered another two towns Sam."

…

"No, I'm not killing another fucking town." I said, turning to walk away from the small town in Idaho.

"You don't really have a choice." Abaddon said. "Go."

I tried to say the word 'no'. I really did. But every time I went to say it, I felt like I was going to throw up. I was brought to my knees from a sharp pain in my stomach. If I didn't know better I'd say someone was twisting my guts inside me with their bare hands.

"Dean-o. You can't say no. That's how this whole binding thing works. Any thought that strays from what I say, well, this happens." She knelt down next to me.

I already had two towns under my belt from before. But adding a third, maybe more?

"Fine." The second I agreed to do what I was ordered to do, the pain dissipated. I could still feel a slight ache in the pit of my stomach.

Abaddon helped me to my feet and handed me the same wickedly sharp knife I had used before. I cringed as memories began flooding back but took it anyways.

"Oh and trust me, if you don't do what you've been told too, it'll be more than a slight stomach pain." Abaddon crossed her arms and stood still, obviously planning on waiting there until I had finished.

I took a deep breath as I began making my way to the town.

…...

**TBC**

**Please continue to read and review. They give me motivation to write.**


	30. Chapter 30: When All Is Lost

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY: When All Is Lost**

I felt my heart shatter.

Another two towns? Really?

For fucks sake he's been gone for not even two days and he's already screwed himself over.

"We have to go talk to him man. It's not even his choice to be doing this shit." I said. I had my eyes squeezed shut and was rubbing my temples, trying to alleviate the headache that was forming.

"The angels won't see it as that. He's a threat and they plan on taking care of him." Cas shook his head and ran a hand down his face. The gesture was so Dean-like, my heart ached.

Deciding that the only helpful thing to do at the moment was try to find a way to unbind Dean, I picked up a book and began reading.

"I'm sorry that I don't remember how I unbound Death. The days with all those souls are… fuzzy to say the least."

I just nodded as I continued to scan the page when my eyes caught something. "Oh you got to be fucking kidding me." Before the conversation could continue, we were cut off by the noise from the TV that signified breaking news.

"Another town is in the process of being destroyed. This small town in Illinois…" The news reporter kept talking but I was already looking at Castiel.

"That'll be number five. We need to go. Now." I persisted. I knew this was going to be our last chance before the angels and possibly other hunters took action.

Taking a deep breath, Cas nodded. I jumped out of the chair and ran to my bedroom to grab the duffel I've had ready for weeks.

"I'm ready."

Gripping my arm, Cas teleported us away from the bunker.

….

Dean was in the middle of slaughtering a small family of four when Hannah of all people showed up.

The Knight laughed coldly, eyes black. "Oh you gotta be kidding me. They sent _you_ to take care of _me_? I mean, I expected the angel's to put their foot down but with you? They have to be off their rockers." Twirling the sharp knife, he stood facing Hannah.

"I came to talk." She said plainly, her Angel Blade falling out of her sleeve and into her hand.

Dean leaned his head forward and whispered to the scrawny looking angel. "By talk you mean kill right?" He winked at her before continuing. "Don't worry, I won't tell Cas that you _tried _to kill me." A sly grin crossed his face as he saw Hannah's look of confidence falter. She hadn't expected him to be such a smart ass.

"I'm sorry Dean." With that she lunged at the Knight only to have him grab the angel Blade and twist her arm. Grimacing at the pain as Dean pressed down on her wrist trying to get her to let go, Hannah kneed him in the stomach. With Dean's grip faltering a bit, she was able to get her arm lose and shove the angel blade through the eldest Winchester's shoulder.

Dean screamed with pain and gripped at his wound.

"I'm sorry Dean." She repeated. "But it was neces-" Hannah was cut off by the amused laughter of the Knight.

Dean straightened up and yanked the blade out, chuckling. "Sorry, I had to mess with you." A cruel smile crept across his face as he threw the Blade with extreme accuracy right into Hannah's heart.

A bright white light flashed from Hannah's eyes and mouth as her body fell limp to the floor.

"I'm sorry Hannah." He said in a mocking voice.

…

By the time we got to the town, already half of the people had been killed.

Cas and I were walking down the street when we heard the pained scream of my brother. Running over to the house the sound had come from, I kicked open the door and walked in just in time to see Hannah's body crumple to the floor.

"I'm sorry Hannah." Dean said with a tone full of sarcasm.

"Dean." I said flatly. My brother's dark gaze lifted to meet mine as he took a step forward. His eyes switched to green once he realized who I was.

"Sam I can't stop." His voice was gruff, if I had to guess it was from laughing. "I didn't- I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't have control." Dean's sorrow filled eyes glanced down at Hannah's vessel.

"Dean, we can fix this. Just, calm down." Thinking back now, I figured that the worst thing to say to an angry person is to calm down.

Dean's eyes switched to black in the blink of an eye as he glared at me. "Don't tell me what to fucking do. The only way I'll calm down is when Abaddon is dead." My brother went to push past me when I grabbed his shoulder, turning him to face me.

"Dean, that's the problem. If you kill Abaddon, you're dead."

Both Cas and my brother looked at me with confusion. I was going to mention it to the angel but the news report distracted me.

"So?"

The amount of desperation in his voice was through the roof. I could see in my brother's eyes that he believed he wasn't worth more than the dirt on his boots.

I felt my heart shatter. My mind thought back to the same scenario when I was going to finish the trials and close the gates of Hell. I didn't care if I was going to die; I was willing to make the sacrifice. But Dean wouldn't let me do it and there was no way in Hell I was going to let him kill himself.

"Remember when I wanted to go through with the trials even if it was going to kill me?" I asked, trying to get Dean to understand that he couldn't do this.

"Sam, you had a chance of a life ahead of you. You could do anything and be anything you wanted. Me?" He chuckled slightly but there was no humor in it. "My life isn't worth as much as yours. I have to protect you Sammy. And the best way for me to do it is to kill the bitch."

Before I had time to respond, Dean was gone.

"Dammit! Come on Cas. I'm sure she's around here somewhere. We have to get to Abaddon before Dean does." When I didn't get a response, I looked around the room only to see I was alone. "Cas? CAS?""

Cursing under my breath, I ran out the door and down the street to the edge of town.

It was easy to spot Abaddon, her fire red hair could be spotted from space.

But when I got closer, I could see Dean as well.

The last thing I remember seeing before my word crashed down around me was my brother shove the First Blade deep into Abaddon's chest.

"_DEAN NO."_

….

**TBC**

**Don't hate me. I promise you will all get a cured Dean. At least I got the killed Abaddon part! Now I have another choice I want my reader's to make. Do you want a) a happy ending b) a sad ending c) both (would be two separate chapters but both ending the story or d) for me to somehow have it keep going and not end just yet. I won't start writing till I get feedback!**


	31. Chapter 31: My Heart Won't Go On

**Author's note: Since ya'll were so bent on me continuing the story, I've decided to extend it. BUT, it won't be for too much longer unless I happen to get a stroke of genius or something. Sorry for the little later than usual update, writer's block.**

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: My Heart Won't Go On**

"_DEAN NO."_

The feeling of finally sinking the First Blade deep into Abaddon's chest can only be described like slicing through butter with a hot knife.

After I tackled her body to the ground, shoving the blade deeper and deeper into her chest, I watched the life drain from her eyes.

As a bright light flashed from her eyes and mouth, I shut mine while I waited for my death.

Moments passed like centuries as I remained on top of her body. The amount of disappointment I felt wasn't anywhere near healthy when I realized I was still alive.

Death was a promise; it was my reward for killing Abaddon.

"Why am I not dead?" I couldn't stop the flow of tears that ran down my cheeks while I repeated that sentence over and over again as I continued to stab Abaddon's lifeless vessel.

It was like my whole body had gone numb. I had readied myself for death, hell I even welcomed it. But to build yourself up for something only to have it pulled right from under you? There's no bouncing back from that. Death was a gift, and it was taken away from me.

The next few hours went by in a blur. I only remember bits and pieces like Sam grabbing my shoulders harshly, shaking them trying to get me to respond. I couldn't though. I just stared at him blankly as he dragged me towards some car he must've hotwired. I remember arriving at the bunker and Cas helping carry me in and setting me on the dungeon floor back inside the devil's trap. I didn't blame them for putting me there. I would've done it myself if I could've.

I could feel just intense bursts of anger boiling inside me. Every now and then my eyes would turn dark. I couldn't be trusted. I didn't know if I wanted to kill everything in sight, or just myself.

I was so close to being human, but the demon side of me wasn't letting go. The anger I felt was the demon side fighting, trying to retake over control. The shitty part about being human was all the guilt came in waves, crashing against any happiness that could possibly spark.

Sam stayed for a while, just watching me. I had curled into myself in the middle of the circle, shaking uncontrollably.

Finally he gave up, Cas had come in and put a hand on Sam's shoulder. My brother nodded slightly at him and followed him out of the room.

Now I was alone and just wishing for someone to come and end all the suffering.

….

Sam was in the middle of hauling Dean's broad body into the bunker when Cas appeared behind him.

"Cas where the fuck have you been?" Sam demanded. He couldn't believe the angel had just disappeared when Dean had needed him so bad.

"Later." Castiel said flatly as he grabbed the eldest Winchester's other side. Once they finally made it to the dungeon, Sam had ushered Cas away. He wanted some alone time with his brother.

It had been an hour before Cas finally went in there, promising to explain himself to Sam.

Nodding, Sam stood up and followed the angel out into the hallway.

"Before you yell, I'm telling you it was me who stopped Dean from dying once he stabbed Abaddon." Cas said, putting his hands up in a defensive position.

"Explain." Sam said, crossing his arms. He had to admit he was damn curious as to why Dean wasn't dead. The book he read clearly stated that if the person who was bound killed whoever bound them, they would fall with them. Yet, here they had a dead Abaddon and a very much alive Dean.

"I didn't want to, but I searched deep in my memories for how I unbound Death. I try to stay away from those days Sam, but I had to save Dean." Cas paused, his eyes begging the young hunter to understand just how much his brother meant to him. "After going through weeks of traumatizing experiences, I had found it. But, I wasn't strong enough to do it without all those souls powering me." The angel hesitated, obviously not sure if he should go on.

"So, what? What did you do Cas?"

"I enlisted some help from the other angels." Castiel said, obviously regretting his decision.

"Well that's good right? Why do you look scared shitless?" Sam said, not liking where this was going.

"They want me to stay away from Dean in exchange for helping me save him. They don't trust him after Hannah and since I'm the only angel left they want to lead them…" Cas trailed off not wanting to continue. He still wasn't sure how he was going to survive without his best friend. There had been so many times Dean had helped him like the time Dean was able to get through to him when Naomi had the angel brainwashed.

Cas wanted to help Dean, he really did. He figured saving his life was going to have to be enough.

Sam scoffed. "Unbelievable. You'd think since you're the big boss up there you wouldn't have to get ordered around by some other dick angels. Come on, Cas. You know you don't have to do what they say. You just won't fight them."

"I have done nothing but put Dean first with my actions! It's always been that way. You on the other hand-"

"You're the one who didn't want me near him these past few weeks!" I spat. Cas was acting as if he was on a high horse and Sam was determined to knock him down.

"Only because I didn't want him to deal with the grief of killing you." The angel said faintly. Sighing deeply, he decided to return to Heaven. Castiel knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with Sam as long as Dean was still unreachable.

….

I still hadn't stopped shaking even when I could hear the faint yelling of Sam and Castiel.

_They're talking about me._

Every now and then I could hear my name but that was it. All the other words just kinda jumbled together.

Also, it was hard to hear over the blood pounding in my ears.

I couldn't close my eyes without seeing death. Whether or not it was the death of innocent people, my father, Sam, it was all the same. I even felt guilty for killing Abaddon. The last one was most likely from the whole bonding thing. I couldn't explain it but I felt a hole deep in my chest that I couldn't quite fill. It was like how I felt when I came back from Hell after torturing all those souls.

Man, was I screwed up.

After what sounded like a yelling of profanity, Sam walked back into the room I was being held in, slamming the door. I winced as the pain in my head intensified at the loud noise.

"Dean? Can you hear me?" I could hear the sense of urgency and worry in my brother's voice as he got as close as he dared.

But I didn't respond.

I _couldn't _respond.

Maybe this is what my life would be like, a monster on the outside and on the inside.

….

**TBC**

**Well there ya go. I'm still not quite sure how I'm going to keep this going but since you guys were so dang persistent… I'll try. Please continue to leave reviews so I know it's not sucking. Suggestions really are needed at this point.**


	32. Chapter 32: Drunken Mistakes

**This chapter will be in Castiel's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: Drunken Mistakes**

To say the situation was getting worse was an understatement.

Even though I wasn't able to see Dean physically, I still remained in contact with Sam about his condition and to say the least, things weren't looking up.

I decided to take the risk and go visit Dean. I knew the chances of the other angels finding out were high but I was the goddamn ruler of Heaven. I should be allowed to see whoever I please.

At first I was really worried about seeing Dean for the first time in two weeks. Sam had mentioned that he wasn't talking at all; he would just stare blankly and shake as he lay in the middle of the devils trap.

My palms were sweaty as I made my way down the hall towards the dungeon. I hadn't told anybody I was coming down to visit him, hopefully that wasn't a mistake.

I walked in trying to seem casual but if Dean had been talking, he would've said I looked like a nervous wreck.

"Dean? It's Cas." I felt silly saying it, but I felt it might've been necessary. I sat down cross-legged right at the edge of the circle, placing my hands on my knees.

Dean's shaking stopped momentarily and his black eyes switched to the color we all knew. His green gaze met my blue as he processed who I was. Dean cringed as if I had slapped him and the Knight maneuvered his body up to the edge of the circle farthest away from me.

He maintained eye contact with me as I started to speak. "I know my choices these past few weeks haven't seemed like they were in your best interest, but they were Dean. I promise." At this point, I didn't know if my friend was even hearing what I was saying, but I had to get it off my chest. I had to let him know my side of the story.

"I kept you away from Sam because I wanted to save you from the possible grief of killing your brother. It wasn't that I didn't trust _you, _I didn't trust the monster that was taking you over. I had the best intentions Dean. I didn't mean to hurt you. But, story of my life right?" I glanced down at my hands as I folded them together, not able to maintain eye contact with the man I have hurt so many times. "My best intentions always seem to hurt you." I laughed coldly.

"I- I don't-" Dean started, pulling my gaze up to him. He looked like he was struggling to speak as his body started up the constant spasms again. "I don't blame- blame you Cas." The knight coughed a bit as he clutched his side.

I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, a sensation I hadn't experience since I was human. But that's what Dean Winchester had always done; brought out my humanity even when I didn't think there was any left.

It was my turn to bring out his.

….

Sam had been making his way down the hallway when he saw a brief flash of tan before the dungeon door was closed. The youngest Winchester was surprised Cas was visiting Dean. _Maybe he grew some balls and stuck up for himself. _Sam thought.

Instead of going in there and interrupting the only time Cas was probably going to get with the Knight, the hunter just stood outside the door, listening intently.

At first it went about how he had expected it to go. The angel apologized, talking mainly to himself.

But then Sam heard the faint voice of his brother.

"I- I don't-" Dean began. "I don't blame- blame you Cas." Sam could hear his brother start to cough.

Turning away from the door, the youngest Winchester could feel anger bubbling in chest. How could Cas get Dean to talk but he couldn't? Maybe he mislabeled the anger as jealously but he knew he felt some kind of resentment towards the angel. Or maybe it was the extreme amounts of alcohol he had consumed talking.

_I'm his fucking brother for God's sake. _

Sam rammed his fist against the wall as he continued to try and wrap his head around the fact that _Cas _could get through to Dean and he couldn't.

Feeling pissed and like shit, Sam opened the dungeon door, storming in, not caring about what he was interrupting.

….

"Dean, I'm sorry."

"Stop- stop saying that." The Knight's voice was barely above a whisper as he tried to control his own body. "Was it- really you who- saved me?"

"Yes, but how-" I started.

"Thin walls." He coughed. "I wish- you hadn't done that."

"Dean, I have spent most of my time on earth, saving you. What makes you think I'd stop now?" Before the conversation could continue, the door flew open with Sam following after.

"Are you fucking kidding me Dean? Really? You'll talk to Cas but not me?" Sam said, exasperated. The eldest Winchester cringed at his brother's harsh tone and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Sam, you're not helping." I said, a warning in my voice.

"Obviously you are. Did you tell him how in exchange for saving him you agreed to stop going near him?" The distraught hunter looked at Dean and smirked when he saw the hurt expression cross his face when he looked at me.

"Sam you're drunk. You need to leave." I ordered. I knew that if we continued down this path, Dean would be even harder to reach.

I glanced over at the Knight only to have my heart ache. I could see the betrayal all over Dean's face as he took in exactly what Sam had said.

"I want- you both to-" Dean had to stop midsentence as he practically coughed up a lung. "Leave." He finished. Even though there wasn't much force to his words, neither Sam nor I were stupid enough to stay around. Glaring at me, the youngest Winchester turned and left the room slamming it in my face.

Sending one last apologetic look at my friend, I opened the door and shut it quietly behind me.

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to read and review. I won't start writing the next chapter till I get some feedback. Keep in mind, my threats are all said with love(:**


	33. Chapter 33: Mum's The Word

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: Mum's The Word**

"Sam, wait a second." Cas pleaded as he followed the young hunter down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Reluctantly, the youngest Winchester stopped and turned to face the distraught angel. "What, Cas?"

"I don't understand how you could be frustrated with me. All I did was go in there and talk. Don't be mad that Dean wouldn't talk to you when all you do is sit there and stare at him." Castiel tried to keep his voice level, he knew that the second he started yelling the hunter would just lash out. "Plus, I don't think it's very wise to be getting wasted when Dean is in such a vulnerable state."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Oh save the disappointed parent shit for somebody else."

"Do you really not see what is happening to your brother?" The angel asked, trying to pull Sam back into reality.

Sam sighed deeply as he tried to blink away the haze the alcohol left on his vision."Why is he like that?"

"Um, that question could be answered many different ways." Cas said, confused as to what specifics the youngest Winchester was referring too.

"The coughing. Why is he coughing?" Sam persisted.

"He's going through a withdrawal." The angel said sadly.

"A withdrawal? From what?"

"Killing, holding the First Blade. Those are both factors in it. The demon side of him is fighting, trying to get him to kill. I'm sure right about now Dean is struggling with wanting to kill anyone in sight; including himself."

"How do we help?" Sam asked with the sound of defeat in his voice. Whatever they seemed to do, they could never win.

"Well it's not like we can just go and let him kill. We just have to wait it out. But, for now I have to return to Heaven. I'll be back shortly." With that, Cas disappeared.

Seeing how getting drunk wasn't helping anybody's situation, Sam took the bottle of alcohol he had just opened and dumped it down the sink.

….

I had somehow managed to dig my nails into the cement flooring, creating ruts that were filled with blood. I needed to feel pain. It's what helped me see clearly.

I needed to kill. It was even worse than before I turned into… well, this. I found myself multiple times throughout the day just running my fingers across the Mark of Cain, longing for the First Blade and the feeling of sinking it into someone.

I had given in to the monster I was becoming and now it was killing me from the inside out.

My body was a battleground. It was like the demon half of me and the human half were both fighting for dominance and my body was getting in the way. It felt like my lungs were being clenched by fists and I had to fight for air.

I knew I couldn't be fully cured. I'd never be human again. My soul was far too twisted.

The demon part of me was rooted inside my soul permanently but I could get as close to human as possible without actually being human.

Talking to Cas seemed to make things a little better. That is until Sam had barged in. Had Castiel really bargained away our friendship just to save me?

I felt physically sick at the thought. Did I really mean that little to him that he would be fine cutting off all communication?

Thinking about it, he had still come to visit me. Maybe for the last time.

I couldn't face my brother, not yet at least. Cas was just a warm-up to what I'd be experiencing when I finally decide to talk to Sam.

I was surprised when the door opened slowly. Luckily, Castiel had pushed the shelves closed before he left. I could see the person's shadow move about the room. But, whoever walked in obviously wasn't a regular by the way they went to the other side of the room, trying to find the shelves that opened to the dungeon part.

Eventually, the shelves slid open to reveal pitch black eyes that belonged to a demon I had never met.

"Dean Winchester, in the flesh. I have to admit, you don't look so good buddy."

"Bite me." I managed to get out. The demon's vessel was a scrawny teenage boy who looked like he didn't get out much.

"Man, it's a good thing Abaddon told us all where this place was before you killed her. It would've been a real bitch to try and find you." He took a few steps in, stopping inches away from the edge of the circle.

"What do you want?" I felt my eyes going black which meant the demon side was going to let up; for now.

"You killed our two rulers and then left. Did you really think we were going to let that slide? At first we thought you were just trying to climb to the top of the food chain but once you disappeared… Now you have a choice." He knelt down and took out an angel blade from inside his jacket. "You can either come take your position as Hell's new King, or you still come downstairs but as a permanent resident to one of our many racks."

I pushed myself up to a sitting position, groaning at the small movement. "And if I say neither?"

"You don't really seem in good enough shape to really make ballsy decisions like that." The demon quipped, looking at me with pity.

I started laughing which only angered the demon. "What's so funny?" He demanded. But before I had time to respond, my brother drove Ruby's Knife through his back and right into his heart.

Pushing the demon's lifeless body to the ground, Sam looked at me, betrayal in his eyes.

Now, I know how bad this must've looked. I was talking to everyone _except _Sam.

But I couldn't face my brother just yet.

"I uh- I came down here thinking you might want this." Sam held up my necklace I had thrown away years ago. Walking over to the circle hesitantly, he set it down carefully right inside of it.

Nodding gratefully, I gripped the necklace in my hand, rubbing it absently with my thumb as I stared blankly at the floor.

Sam laughed coldly as he turned around and went to leave.

"Sam, wait." I croaked. My voice still wasn't use to talking yet.

My brother glanced over his shoulder, looking at me expectantly.

"Thanks." Was all I could say.

"Listen Dean, these past few months…" I could tell Sam was struggling to find the words.

"I know." I was barely able to get my voice over a whisper but the look of relief that crossed my brother's face said that he heard me.

Nodding one last time, Sam left.

….

**TBC**

**Please continue to read and review. You know the drill by now, reviews motivate me to write.**


	34. Chapter 34: Break Downs

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: Break Downs**

Things were better.

Who am I kidding?

They were worse.

After Sam had killed that demon, his body had fallen on the outside rim of the devil's trap. This caused some of the paint to be scraped away when my brother dragged the body out of the room.

But I didn't tell Sam.

The intense feeling of freedom that overwhelmed me was too great to let it go again.

So instead of letting Sam know, I kept quiet and waited for him to leave. I told him what he wanted to hear even though it wasn't true.

I hadn't yet forgiven my brother. Some may argue I have no reason to be angry at him, but in my eyes, I did.

I glanced up with surprise when I heard the door opening, not expecting a visitor so soon.

When my brother walked around the corner, I blinked in confusion. "Sam?"

He laughed harshly. "Going to actually talk to me now? I wouldn't waste your breath. I won't believe a word that comes out of your mouth."

"Sam I-" Before I could keep going, my brother cut me off with a hand motion.

"Save it. It's my turn to talk. Did I ever tell you that I do blame you for Jessica's death? I blame you for all of it Dean. For every single person who has died in our lives, I'm sure we could pin it back to you."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Pain and betrayal flashed across my face right before my eyes turned black.

"Oh yeah that's good, give into the demonic side of you. You've always been a fuck up. We all expected it to happen, some of us _prayed_ for it. We needed something to get you out of our lives. You dying was the best thing that could've happened to this world." Sam pulled out the chair that was up against the wall and sat backwards in it, resting his arms on the back of it. "But then you just _had _to come back as a demon.

He sighed and smiled at me with disappointment as my nostrils flared. I stood up and went to punch him across the jaw when my hand went through my brother.

I looked at my hand in shock and then up to the laughing hallucination. Watching it flicker away, I fell heavily back down into the now useless devil's trap.

I glanced down at the ruts I had created in the cement flooring and the blood that was pooled near them.

I hadn't even noticed what I had done until I heard Sam:

"Dean, what the fuck did you do?"

….

Cas appeared shortly after Sam had finished talking with Dean. For some reason the youngest Winchester felt lighter and that maybe things were going to be okay.

Too bad he didn't know that his brother had lied through his teeth.

"Sam, have you talked to him?" The angel questioned, eyeing the hunched over form of the hunter.

Sam straightened up, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He stood up from the kitchen table and held out his arms. "I'm not drunk, just tired. Boy Scout Honor." Cas nodded and waited for Sam to answer his question. "Um, yeah I did. Another demon beat me to it, but I talked to him."

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed as he considered what the hunter had said. "I suppose it was just a matter of time. Demons, angels, other hunters, they'll all be after Dean. He's done too much to just be forgiven." The angel finished sadly.

"I know, I think we need to start keeping an eye on him, all the time." Sam offered.

Cas shook his head. "Sam I can't do that. It was already too big of a risk to go visit him the first time."

"At least go see him one more time. I honestly think you helped." Patting the angel on the shoulder Sam started making his way down towards the dungeon, Cas following shortly behind.

Opening the door, Sam's breath caught.

….

The sound the door opening caused me to flinch, pulling me out of my little reverie. I glanced at the floor and realized what I had done.

The words and phrases that were written in blood across the cement tile ranged all across the board.

Fuck up, Killer, Solider, were just the beginning.

The real kicker was what the written the biggest and in the very middle of all the words:

_No Dean, I wouldn't._

"Dean, what the fuck did you do?" Sam spat, taking notice of my artwork. I was sitting in the farthest corner of the room, my knees brought up to my chest. I looked at my hands that were bloodied and cut open from the rough floor.

"I didn't- I don't know. I didn't realize-"

Cas rushed over to me, grabbing underneath my arm and hauled me up. He started dragging me out of the room when Sam put rough hand on the angel's chest.

"What are you doing?" He asked Castiel, eyeing me like I would burst.

"What does it look like? Obviously the trap is broken and we can't very well leave him in here with…" Cas glanced at the writing and winced, shaking his head. "Move." Pushing past my brother, the angel half dragged/half carried me to my room and set me gently on the bed. Grabbing my hands, Cas turned them over, inspecting the damage.

"I'm- I'm sorry." I could barely get the apology out before I started wondering why I was sorry.

Castiel waved off my blabbering as he got bandages from the bathroom.

"Now Dean, I can't heal you. The angels will be able to feel the use of my power and know I have been here. You understand?" The angel was eyeing me, making sure I heard him.

I nodded as Castiel continued to patch me up.

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but I blacked out somewhere between Cas playing nurse and Sam pounding on the door, demanding to be let in.

…

**TBC**

**Yeah yeah yeah, just uploaded a chapter. But I figured since I have work tomorrow along with painting in my Senior hallway, I might as well post this now. Please continue to review so I have nice things to read when I come online next!**


	35. Chapter 35: A Stone's Throw Away From

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV. Again.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: A Stone's Throw Away From Crazy**

"_LET ME IN._"

I cringed at the sound of Sam screaming his ass off. Cas had locked the door to my bedroom, not allowing my brother access.

"Sam I think it's best for you to stay out for the time being." Castiel said, trying to get him to calm down.

"Why? I haven't done anything." My brother hissed. At least he stopped screaming.

"The only thing you've done is either yell at Dean or be a dick to him, neither of which are helping the situation. Also there is a heavy stench of alcohol on your breath. Yes, I noticed. I think it'd be best for you to leave." If you knew Cas like I did, you'd be able to tell that that wasn't a request and he was getting pissed.

Something along the lines of a growl left my brother's mouth. "Cas you're being ridiculous. Dean wants me in there."

Even though I knew that the Sam that had talked to me earlier was a hallucination, it was all too raw to not treat it like it was the real Sam. Cas looked at me, a question in his gaze. I shook my head slightly. The angel nodded and turned back towards the door.

"Sorry, but you need to go Sam." The angel said with a warning in his voice.

With one last half-assed pound on the door, we heard the sound of heavy footsteps make their way down the hall.

Without saying a word, I stood up and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

Making my way over to the sink, I turned the faucet on, splashing my face with water. When I looked at my reflection I almost didn't recognize myself.

The person staring back at me had pitch black eyes that looked like they belonged to a person who would kill a puppy just for the hell of it. Their jaw line was sharper, hair carelessly styled.

{AUTHOR'S NOTE: ITALITCS WILL BE MIRROR DEAN. CARRY ON}

_"Like looking in a fun house mirror isn't it Dean? Right now you're thinking that this isn't you you're staring at. See, deep down you know it's some version of you, the version you thought you had banished to the deepest darkest parts of your soul. Surprise, bitch."_

"You're not real." I said with a shaky laugh. My reflection held my gaze as it seemed to lean closer.

_"Keep telling yourself that. I'm you, Dean. I'm the person Sam sees you as. Who you think you are? That's who Cas sees you as. Who sees the real you? I'll give you a hint, it's not Cas."_

The thing in the mirror winked at me as I shook my head.

"No, you're lying."

_"Denial. Cute. Come on, you can't lie to yourself. I know the boiling rage you feel inside your gut every time you see your brother, sometimes Cas. It's just a matter of time before you snap."_

"I can control it. It's just another side effect. We can fix this." By this point, I was trying more to convince myself than my reflection. I honestly thought I couldn't be saved.

_My reflection laughed bitterly as he shook his head in disappointment. "Whatever gets you through the night. You can't escape me Dean."_

I was startled by the tentative knocking at the door. "Dean, you okay?" Cas asked, worry lacing his words.

Wiping a shaky hand down my face, I tossed the towel I had been gripping onto for dear life casually on the sink and opened the door. "Yeah, fine"

I hadn't even realized my eyes had gone black and that I had punched the mirror with my already injured hand until I was on the floor, back against the tub.

"Dean!" Cas shook my shoulders as I looked up at him like I was a deer caught in headlights.

Is this what my life was now? Sudden black outs where I don't even remember doing things or getting to certain positions? Where I could hurt someone and have no idea what I had done until it was too late? Hell of a way to live.

I looked up at the now cracked mirror to see a distorted version of myself laughing, licking the blood off of his fingertips.

"Dammit Dean." The angel said as he grabbed my tightened fist and looked at my bloody knuckles. "What are we going to do with you?"

I know Cas probably meant the question innocently, but just like my reflection said I would, I snapped.

"You don't have to do anything with me! Jesus I'm not a child, I can fucking take care of myself." I yanked my hand away from the angel.

Cas rolled his eyes and gave me a pointed look. "Clearly. Come on, the bed is more comfortable then the bathroom floor."

Sending a glare Castiel's way, I stood up and plopped down on the bedroom floor and leaned against the side of the bed while the angel leaned against the desk.

"So are we going to talk about why you were talking to yourself in there?" Cas asked, hinting with his tone that we were going to talk about it no matter what.

"Just more hallucinations." I said tiredly. I wasn't really tired, but I felt mentally drained.

"Wait, more hallucinations? As in you've had them already?" Castiel questioned.

"Uh, yeah. I-" Before I could continue, Sam apparently got tired of waiting and began knocking on the door again.

"Come on Cas, it's be two hours. Let me in. I've sobered up."

"Imagine that. You know, you and your brother are more alike then you two think. You both drown yourselves in alcohol when you have problems." The angel shook his head as he made his way over to the door, unlocking and opening it.

"I-" Cas was cut off my a blinding pain that started in his head. Rubbing his temples, the angel glared at the ceiling with a scowl on his face. "I have to- I'll be back." With that, Castiel disappeared.

"We need to talk." Was all Sam said before he shut the door behind him.

…

"What was the meaning of that?" Cas demanded. He glared at the unfamiliar angel in front of him in Metatron's old office.

"We had an agreement Castiel. We would help you save the human if you stayed away from him once you assured he was alright." The angel said sternly.

"There were complications. I'm trying to resolve them as quickly as possible."

"They aren't your problem anymore Castiel. You have your family up here in Heaven you need to look after now."

"They're my friends. I won't leave them. Now, you elected me your leader. I will see who I please without having to ask permission." Cas's tone was hard as he tried to seem intimidating.

Letting out a sigh of aggravation, the angel disappeared, leaving Castiel alone debating his purpose in life. He had tried so hard to save Dean Winchester. Now when he was in such a fragile state, could he leave him?

…...

**TBC**

**Thanks so much for all the kind reviews. Please continue to read and review. Let me know what you think of all the twists and turns and how the story is developing. I stayed up a little later than usual after I got home from work so I could write and upload this. You are welcome.**


	36. Chapter 36:Things Are Looking Up Or Not

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: Things Are Looking Up. Or Not.**

I wasn't sure what had gotten into me lately or when I finally noticed.

Maybe it was because it was all just unfair. Right before Dean had died, we patched things up between us. Then the whole demon thing with Abaddon happened and I guess it went downhill from there.

It seems whenever things start looking up, it all begins to fall apart shortly after.

Maybe I noticed when Cas made it clear Dean didn't want me in the same room as him.

"We need to talk." Was all I said before I shut the door behind me.

Or maybe it was when my brother cringed and moved farther into the room once I entered.

Dean seemed afraid of me and it was all my fault.

Thinking back, I regret almost every decision I've made the past week. I guess Cas and I have switched roles. Before he was the dick who didn't believe in my brother, now it was me.

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to get Dean to understand that I really was. I couldn't think of anything else to say, there was no excuse for how I've been acting.

"Why are you so fucking angry all the time? If anybody has a right to be off the rails it's me." Dean spat. I should've known that my behavior had caused a negative effect on my brother's point of view of me.

"Because it's not fair, Dean. None of this is. You don't deserve this, I don't, Cas doesn't. Yet, this is our life." I couldn't help the absolute sorrow that enveloped my tone. It was all true. I've been thinking 'why me' for ages.

"Yeah, it is our life and you know what? It always will be. Might as well accept it now." Dean continued to stay on the floor, one leg spread out in front of him while the other was bent, his arm resting on his knee. I noticed that he hadn't made one attempt to make eye contact with me since we started talking.

"How did we get to this?" I asked faintly. Dean and I used to work. Sure, it hasn't worked in at least seven years but it used to. I guess when people get older, the harder it is to deal with them.

Dean chuckled coldly as he finally turned his head to make eye contact. "I don't know Sam, you tell me. You're the one who has been hell bent on making me seem like I'm the bad guy these past few weeks. You used to be on my side." That amount of bitterness in my brother's voice was almost unbearable. _He blames me for all of it._

"Because you were the bad guy! I didn't believe in you. You didn't have to agree to go back to Abaddon, yet you did. And you said it was to protect me but that's the same bullshit you've been spouting for years, Dean." I said with my tone full of venom. Before I came in here I had planned on apologizing to my brother and sweeping it all up. I'm not sure when I lost sight of that goal.

Dean winced at my comments but kept going. "Because that's all I have and always will be doing Sammy, protecting you. That's my job and I will never stop doing it." By this point, Dean had stood up and walked over to me. Looking at him, I could tell he was fuming. My brother's eyes flashed black and he turned his back on me, cursing under his breath.

I didn't know what else to say. So instead, I grabbed my brother's shoulder and turned him to face me.

I decided the best thing to do at this point was to go with my gut.

I hugged my brother.

At first, Dean just stood there, limp in my arms.

After what felt like decades, my brother finally returned the hug and even patted me on the back.

I pulled away from him but kept one hand on Dean's shoulder. "We're going to fix this. I promise."

Dean just nodded sadly and backed up. We weren't quite back to how we used to be, but we were making progress.

An instant.

That's all it took for things to go bad again.

One second Dean was standing in front of me, green-eyed and sad. The next, he was towering over me, black-eyed and cruel.

I barely had time to recognize the situation before a hard right hook to my jaw sent me falling to the floor.

….

When I slowly started to regain consciousness, the first thing I heard was guilt-stricken words from my brother.

_No no no._

I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't even have to see Dean to know he was stressed, I could hear it in his voice.

I felt the tight grip of ropes securing my wrists and ankles to a cold metal chair. If I had to guess, I'd say we were in the bunker's dungeon.

Opening my eyes slowly, I saw Dean was hunched over on the floor, knees brought up to his chest. He had his elbows resting on his kneecaps, his hands cradling his head.

"This can't be happening." He muttered. He had his fingers dug into his hair, looking like he was about to rip it out.

"Dean, just calm down. Everything's okay." I said softly.

"Just- Just shut up. I need to think." My brother said through clenched teeth. It was obvious Dean was struggling with himself and I felt powerless to help him.

"Dean, just untie me and it'll be okay." I kept trying to say reassuring things, but it seemed every time I said something my brother's whole body would cringe.

"I need to fucking think." He said with frustration. Every now and then Dean's head would make a sudden turn to the left or right like the two sides of him were fighting for dominance.

Who would win, I was unsure. For mine and my brother's sake, I hope it would be his humanity.

….

**TBC**

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. This story won't be much longer seeing as though I'm running out of ideas. Please continue to leave reviews, they motivate me to sit my butt down and write.**


	37. Chapter 37: Split In Two

**This chapter will be in Dean's POV.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN: Split In Two**

How did I get here?

It seemed like I was asking myself that question a lot. I remember hugging Sam and now I'm looking at him sitting tied to a chair.

Well, not really looking at him. I couldn't make myself make eye contact with my brother.

_Dean, just kill him. He deserves it._

"No, I can't." My voice was lost.

"You can't what Dean? Just let me go." Sam said. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not, but either way, my brain could've sworn it heard pity in his voice.

_Hear that? He thinks you're weak. He has done nothing but bring you down for months, hell even years._

"That's not true. He was just- he was just confused." I argued with myself. If I would've looked at Sam, I'm sure he had the biggest 'what the fuck' face right about now. From his view point, I was talking to myself. In retrospect I was, but I could hear the responses. Sam couldn't.

"Dean we can fix this." My brother said, his voice gruff.

My neck made an abrupt turn to the left and I felt myself lose control. I was locked inside my own mind while the demon side took control.

"Who says I want to be _fixed?_" I heard myself hiss. I watched helplessly as my body got up and walked over to Sam.

"This isn't you talking, Dean." My brother reasoned.

"Not quite Sammy. It is me, it's just the part you always knew was here." I, not me, moved to stand behind Sam, placing rough hands on his shoulders.

"I won't leave you, Dean. Don't give up." By this point, Sam hadn't lost faith in me and my heart ached.

My body's dark eyes rolled. "You know you're brother is awake in here." I leaned down to talk right in Sam's ear. "He's banging on the walls I've put him behind, begging me to spare your little life."

Sam just met my dark gaze as I moved back in front of him, unresponsive.

"I don't even know why he tries so hard to save this pathetic life of his. The old me's life wasn't worth more than the dirt on his boots." I saw myself glance down at the floor where my writing was still stained into it. "Apparently Dean felt the same way."

Before Sam could respond, my body turned in time to watch the door burst open and a furious looking Castiel stroll in.

The wall I had been trapped behind came crashing down as my eyes faded back to green. "Cas I can't stop." My voice broke.

"Dean, step away from your brother."

I took a few steps sideways right as a blinding pain began at my temples. I let out a scream of agony as I was brought to my knees, clutching my head as if it would help.

I didn't even notice Cas rushing over and untying Sam, telling him to leave.

"Not so fast." I heard myself say, as I flicked my wrist to slam the door shut.

As I went to get up, my face connected with Castiel's fist, sending me back to the ground.

Laughing, I rubbed my hand along my jaw as I turned my head to look at the angel. "That all you got?" I was answered with another hit right above my cheek bone.

"I'm sorry Dean." Cas said, right before he picked me up by the collar, slamming my back up against the concrete wall.

"Dean's long gone angel, might as well get used to it." I smirked, ignoring the blood running from my lip.

Another hit. "Man, I'm getting some real déjà vu feelings right now." I quipped, spitting blood onto the floor.

I didn't have to watch myself get beaten up by Castiel for long before one last blow to the head sent me under.

….

Cas ran a tired hand down his face as Sam stared at him worriedly. They had been out in the hallway for an hour outside the dungeon waiting for Dean to regain consciousness.

"How are you expecting this to be different? We've been down this road before Cas."

"Well, then I guess he can just rot in that devil's trap. I don't know how to help him, Sam. He's fighting against himself. We just have to hope he's strong enough to win." Cas sent a troubled glance at the dungeon door, missing his friend.

Sam nodded sadly as he shoved his hands in his front pockets.

….

I woke up as myself in the middle of a devil's trap, sighing in relief.

Feeling the familiar weight of the First Blade tucked safely in my jacket pocket, I cringed. I watched as my hand begun to shake, asking myself why Cas hadn't taken it away from me.

But I kept it hidden, kept it safe.

I physically couldn't make myself get rid of it.

Pulling the Blade out, I studied it as I turned it over in my hands. I knew I had two options.

1) I could jam this blade deep into my chest, ending everybody's suffering, including my own.

2) I could be a coward and continue to make everyone I care about lives a living hell.

Thinking about my options, it was clear what I should do and what would be best for the world. Sam and Castiel walked in right when I made my decision.

….

**TBC**

**The next two chapters will be ending the story. One will be a happy ending (or as happy as it can be for Team Free Will). One will be the sad ending. Read both or one or the other. Whatever suits your fancy. Please continue to leave reviews, I still enjoy them even after all this time.**


	38. Chapter 38: No Happiness In Sight

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV. This is also the sad ending. Thanks so much for sticking with me for, wow! 38 and 39 chapters. You've all been great and I already have the rough draft for another story written. So if you've liked this story and/or my other one, I hope you'll check my next one out. Enough with the self-promoting, on to the reason you're all here.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: No Happiness In Sight**

When Cas and I walked in, I wasn't expecting what we had interrupted.

Dean was sitting on the floor in the middle of the devils' trap, turning the First Blade over in his hands.

He barely glanced up at us as we inched closer to him.

"Dean, give me the Blade. Please." I said softly, keeping my voice calm.

"I can make it all go away." I could hear the total helplessness and self-loathing lacing my brother's words as he grasped the First Blade firmly in his right hand. The Mark of Cain shined a dark red color when Dean's hand started to shake.

"Dean, don't do this." I pleaded, my voice full of anguish. I couldn't lose my brother to this. Not after all we've been through.

"I have to Sammy. It's for the best. I want you to move on with your life, you hear me? Go to college, find a girl, get a job. Hell, be a kick ass lawyer. Don't waste your life hunting." Dean's voice broke as he spoke, standing up slowly.

"Dean we can fix this. Just put the blade down." Cas chimed in, taking a step forward.

My brother's sad gaze rested on the angel. "Cas, I-"

Dean didn't even get to finish his sentence before his eyes were enveloped with black, his cruel laughter reverberating off the walls.

"Well wasn't that just puke in your mouth heart-warming? Sorry ladies, I'm not ready to let go." With a simple eye movement, Cas and I were pinned against the walls, helpless as Dean walked over to me. He grazed my jaw line with the First Blade and chuckled darkly.

"You know what I discovered Sammy?" Dean said, taking a step back.

"It's Sam." I said coldly. I barely let Dean call me Sammy let alone this _thing_.

Dean put a hand on his chest, acting as if he was just utterly shocked at what I had said. "Owch. Now that _hurt_, little brother."

"Moving on, I discovered the best way to torture you," He paused for dramatic effect before continuing. ", is to see your brother like this. So no, I'm not going to kill you if that's what you were hoping." He glanced over his shoulder at Cas, smirking. "Same with you, angel boy."

"This isn't you Dean!" Cas argued. Dean turned his whole body to face him and brought one finger up to his lips saying 'shhhh'. I could hear Cas struggling to say something but whatever Dean did, it prevented him from getting them out.

"No, I'm going to leave you two ass-clowns alive to wallow in self-pity. But I gotta say, I admire your dedication to save Dean-o here. It was a waste of time really, but what can you do."

"Well, I'm sorry to cut our girl talk short, but I've got Hell to run. Don't wait up." Sending a wink in my direction, Dean disappeared.

….

I wish Dean would've known that I wasn't going to be able to live my life after he was gone.

I think the main issue I had with it was the fact that my brother wasn't really dead. He was just lost inside of himself.

Thinking back, I'm sure there were hundreds of different things we could've done differently to save Dean. But, the more I think about it the more guilty I feel.

No matter how hard I tried to steer away from that kind of thinking I always wound up there.

Thinking led to drinking, which led to bar fights and running away from the police. I couldn't tell you how many times I've knocked a cop out these past two years.

I still hunted but for the most part I kept to demons. I tried anything and everything to try to get Dean to come take care of me personally. I've dealt with some of Hell's finest, but never it's very best.

Crossroad deals were more abundant, but now instead of ten years, the poor bastards would only get one. I think Dean felt cheated when he had made a deal and now wanted others to feel the same way.

It seemed that demons were now everywhere, possessing people and killing others. It at least made them easy to find.

I hadn't spoken to Cas in six months. For the first year without Dean, we stuck together, hell we even hunted side by side. But the past six months Castiel's angels were getting fed up with his constant absences so he finally decided to stay in Heaven for good.

These last six months haven't been what some may call easy.

….

Cas was up in Heaven, sitting in what was now his office, tapping his fingers absently on the desk. He thought of his lost friend often, racking his brain for some way to save him.

But nothing ever surfaced.

The other angels knew it was best to not ever mention Dean around Castiel because he would just get angry and withdrawn.

But after awhile, even Castiel knew Dean had to be stopped.

The past six months there had been a rumor going around that the eldest Winchester was working up a plan to shut the Gates to Heaven. Seeming as though they didn't want that, Castiel sent out an order to capture the King of Hell.

So when one of Cas's many loyal followers tentatively knocked on his office door and opened it slowly, Castiel's heat sank.

"We've got him sir. Do you want us to-?"

"No, I can handle it from here." Standing up, Cas adjusted his trademark trench coat and made his way down to the room they were holding Dean.

Glancing in the small window that was in the door, Castiel's breath caught.

The young King was in a similar trap they had bound Alastair with many years ago, but with an altered Devil's Trap that would work on the Mark of Cain bearer.

Taking in a deep breath, Cas pushed the door open.

Dean's dark gaze meant Castiel's blue with a smirk. "If it isn't my favorite feathered dick. I have to admit, I missed my chew toy."

The Knight's tight black t-shirt was torn in multiple places, he was obviously too lazy to get a new one. His features were harder, looking like they've seen and done a lot of shit. He was covered in blood from head to toe, none of which was his. Torn jeans, old combat boots, and a cocky grin made up the new Dean Winchester.

His tone lacking any and all emotion, Cas stopped inches from the eldest Winchester. "Still a smart ass I see."

"It's the only thing I've got going for me besides the whole ruler of Hell thing." He said, his voice laced with sarcasm. "So what's your plan here Cas?"

Castiel's heart ached at the familiar nickname. "We couldn't let you close the Gates of Heaven of course. And seeming as though we still aren't sure how to kill you, I guess you'll remain here for the time being. I am quite curious as to how you let my troops get the better of you though." The angel remarked, raising an eyebrow.

"That's exactly what I did, I _let _them capture me. Come on, Cas. Surely you can understand that Hell can get a little boring every now and then. I wanted a change of scenery, some action. As soon as I'm out of here I'll be paying that little brother of mine a visit."

"That's the thing, Dean. You won't be getting out of here." With that, Cas turned his back on his former friend and went to leave.

"You know, there's a lot he never told you. He's banging on the walls right now for just one last chance to tell you." Dean said, trying to lure the angel back in.

Cas hesitated and faced the eldest Winchester. "Like what? Humor me."

"Like how much you really meant to him. Who you _really _were to him. I mean, you guys were practically butt buddies before this whole thing happened. Maybe more." A smug look spread across the King's face as he saw the angel's look of confidence falter.

"You're lying." Cas said faintly, not making eye contact with the demon.

"Why would I lie? Especially when the truth would hurt you more than anything I could ever make up." Dean raised an eyebrow and waited for a response.

But he would never get one.

Cas pulled open the door and walked out before he could lose his cool.

….

After Dean had been missing for three years, I finally met him face to face in Chicago.

From my best understanding, Castiel was dead and it was by Dean's hands. The story goes that Cas had Dean all strung up in Heaven but one day he found the strength to fight the bindings. After an intense battle, Castiel's resolve fell short, his life being ended.

Now, after being apart for three years, Dean was standing right in front of me, eyes black and a cruel smile plastered on his face.

"Sammy, so good to see you." Dean held out his arms as if he wanted a hug.

Glancing at the First Blade held firmly in his grasp, I put my hands in my front pockets. "I'm not going to fight you Dean. I just wanted to give you this." I casually pulled out the forgotten amulet and tossed it nonchalantly at my brother who caught it easily.

For a split second, the brilliant green I thought I never would see again made an appearance in my brother's eyes.

"Sammy-" His voice broke before the black was back. Shaking his head, he chuckled darkly. "That was unexpected." Dean let out some type of a growl as he hunched over and coughed. "No, not after all these years! No!" My brother's cruel gaze met mine right before his head made an abrupt turn to the right, the green replacing the black.

"Dean!" I yelled, rushing over to him.

My brother shoved me away and blinked rapidly. When he looked at me, all the guilt shown in his eyes. He looked down at the First Blade that he had dropped with relief.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry." Before I had time to respond, Dean grabbed the First Blade and drove it deep into his chest.

Collapsing to the ground, my brother began coughing up blood.

"No Dean you stupid bastard! Don't you dare die on me!" I ordered, gripping Dean's seizing form tightly.

We were both on the ground, Dean's head resting on my shoulder as blood splattered from his lips and his stab wound continued to stain his shirt with crimson.

"I'm sorry. You deserved- better." He stuttered.

"Don't you dare give me some fucking last words. Not like last time." I was crying now. I couldn't help the steady flow of tears that were leaving streaks down my cheeks.

"I wish- I wish I had done this sooner." Dean's voice was barely above a whisper now and I watched as the color drained from his face.

"I killed Cas. I was going- to kill- you." He hiccupped as tears started to flow freely from his green eyes that I had missed.

You never forget the sight of watching the life drain from someone's eyes; especially your own brothers.

Dean and I sat in silence for another minute, just quietly grieving for those lost and who would soon be lost.

Even after Dean had taken his final breath, I remained on the ground, hugging my brother's body close to my chest. I don't remember how long we sat like that, but it was awhile.

When the tears had finally dried, I hauled my brother's heavy form to the backseat of his beloved impala to give him the proper burial he deserves.

….

As I watched the hot flames engulf my brother's still corpse, I couldn't help but remember when we had done this for Bobby in this exact same spot.

Without thinking about it, I looked to my right, expecting my brother to be there with me.

When someone is always next to you, for your whole life, it's hard to accept the fact that they won't be next to you forever.

I had a hard time accepting it.

Bobby, Cas, Dean, Dad, Jess, Mom, Ellen, Jo, all were gone.

I had no one else to live for.

So I hunted.

I hunted as recklessly as I could and waited for some monster to kill me.

I didn't have to wait long.

About a month after Dean died, I joined him in death after a fatal werewolf bite to the neck.

A lot of people say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes.

For me, all I saw was a bright light, and then a room full of all my friends and family.

That is, all except Dean.

I looked around the room frantically, trying to spot my brother.

A hot rage boiled in my stomach. After all he had done for the angels, he still didn't deserve a spot in Heaven.

Even in death, I had to endure the thought of my brother suffering wherever he ended up.

….

**THE END.**

**Well there was the sad ending. Phew, that was a long and draining chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it and if you want something uplifting, go read the happy ending by clicking the next chapter button. I want to thank you all again and I hope you will check out my next story which I've already finished the first chapter of. Thanks again.**

**~Lindsay**


	39. Chapter 39: Who Would've Thought

**This chapter will be in Sam's POV.**

**Here is the happy ending. I hope you guys enjoyed my story and know how much I appreciate you reading and reviewing it. This ending won't be nearly as long as the last one.**

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: Who Would've Thought**

When we walked in, the room was empty.

Rushing over to the devil's trap, I saw where a tiny part of it had been scraped away.

"Dammit Dean!" I yelled, pounding my fists on the wall.

How could he do this? We could've worked it out. Maybe could've found a way to help him keep his demonic tendencies under wraps.

"Sam, we don't know the reason why he left. It could've been for a good reason." Castiel tried to give Dean the benefit of the doubt.

"When has it ever been for a good reason, Cas?" I spat.

"We will find him Sam." With that, Cas disappeared.

….

"What do you mean you can't find him?" I said, exasperated.

"I mean, he's warded himself from me, Sam. I have no way of just locating him but the hard way. It could take some time. You'll need to be patient." Castiel said, keeping his voice calm.

I ran a hand through my hair as I searched my brain for where Dean could've gone.

"I'm just worried, Cas." I said apologetically.

"I know. I am too. Let's just keep positive thoughts."

….

We didn't find Dean until six months later.

Until it was too late.

We had heard some rumors that someone was working on closing the Gates of Hell, but didn't think that someone was Dean.

We found him locked in a church, only one more injection away from curing a demon and finishing the final trial.

Ramming my shoulder into the door, I forced it open.

"_DEAN." _I yelled.

My brother looked up at me, eyes wide, as he gripped the final syringe firmly in his hand.

"Don't do this." I pleaded.

"I have to." Dean said, his voice gruff. After six months, my brother had changed dramatically.

His eyes were a dull green, no doubt that all the grief is what had taken the life from them. His hands were shaky and he had trouble focusing his eyes on me.

"No, you don't. Just put it down." I begged.

"I'm a monster Sam. I deserve to be locked away with all the others in Hell. It's the only way I can…" He trailed off.

"You can what Dean?" I asked, wanting to know what the fuck he was talking about.

"It's the only way I can pay for all I've done." His voice was barely above a whisper and full of self-pity.

I walked over to Dean, gripping his shoulders roughly. "You can't do this to yourself Dean. You can't leave me. I need you man." My voice broke as I fought back tears.

"I can't fight the demon side of me anymore. I'm sorry Sammy." With that, Dean jammed the needle deep into the demon's neck. Shoving me away from him, he recited the spell before he collapsed to the floor.

"Dean!" I barely had time to reach out to him before he was gone.

I ran outside with Castiel directly behind me only to stop in my tracks.

Big clouds of black smoke from all different directions were being dragged to the church and pulled deep into the ground. Hundreds, thousands of souls being dragged back to Hell, banished there for the rest of eternity.

Including my brother.

I fell to my knees as I heard Cas inhale sharply. He was as stunned as I was.

"I can't believe he's gone." I said, my voice full of absolute sorrow.

Dean felt like he had to save the world from himself.

But in turn, he saved himself for me.

A part of me will never forgive him for that.

The other part of me admires the strength it took for him to lock away all evil in the world even when he knew he was included in it.

Stupid, but brave.

Thinking back to what all we've been through, not only counting the past year, I can't help but be proud of us.

I finally got what Dean had meant in his former last words.

Cas placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I stood up slowly, wiping off my knees.

"What now?" The angel questioned, feeling lost.

"We live how he would've wanted us too." I said, patting Castiel's shoulder.

Cas just nodded sadly, grieving the loss of his best friend.

I put my hands in my front pockets and rubbed absently at the amulet. I smiled softly at the thought that Dean would've been happy to know that I will wear it until the day I die in honor of him. Glancing at Cas, I felt I needed to say something.

"Dean Winchester, you will be missed."

….

**THE END.**

**There was the (kinda) happy ending. But, when it involves Team Free Will, do you really expect a truly happy ending? I want to say thanks again for sticking with me on this long journey and I hope you will stay tuned for my next story.**

**With love,**

**~Lindsay**


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